When he’s not trying to kill himself because of Steve Coogan (in what universe did that ever make any sense?), Owen Wilson is something of an actor. He is y’know. Remember him in that thing? Uh. Ummm. He had blonde hair in it. He… uh… whatever it was, he probably acted in it. A bit.
Anyway, now Owen has a new role to stay alive for! That’s right! As the headline clearly stated, thereby ruining the suspense of this article, Owen Wilson is going to have a baby! From his very own womb!
Okay, Wilson hasn’t grown a womb. That’s just stupid. He actually put his thing inside a woman and his thing did a small cry and, in that lone tear lived little tadpoles who swam toward a lazy egg. The lazy egg ate one of the tadpoles and now it is turning into a future disappointment aka A Human Being.
A representative for Owen Wilson confirmed the news that Owen Wilson and Jade Duell are happy to be expecting a baby, by saying:
“Owen Wilson and Jade Duell are happy to be expecting a baby.”
And apparently, according to someone who isn’t a representative for Owen Wilson, the baby is due any day, saying:
“It is due any day.”
This is the first time that Wilson will be having a child because, as we know, he’s not exactly a trustworthy sort what with the whole suicide-attempt thing. Still, we can assume that he’s all mended in the mind and that he’s going to be just brilliant as a parent, provided of course, he doesn’t let that prick Ben Stiller come round his house and start pratfalling constantly for this new human.
The source, who has probably never met Owen Wilson and gets all their information from hecklerspray (ha!), says that Wilson is…
“very excited and involved with the pregnancy. [The couple] want to do everything as natural as possible.”
The source adds that Wilson…
“has been been doing research and learning as much as he can. He’s super into it and asks a lot of questions to make sure he knows what’s going on every step of the way.”
Duell is currently in Hawaii, where she plans to give birth and Wilson will be on-hand with a ukulele to sing…
…and invariably balls it up.
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