Every so often, Jennifer Aniston will take a break from doing shitty romantic comedies and do some sort of indie movie where has to wear little to no make up and all her fans so “OMG, JENNIFER ANISTON IS FINALLY A SHOE IN TO GET AN OSCAR NOMINATION AND THAT WILL TOTALLY SHOW ANGELINA JOLIE!” This year, thanks to her movie “Cake” (which I know nothing about, but assume it has something to do with baking), her fans once again took on the role of believing that Jen was a sure shot for an Oscar, and once again they’ve been let down.
The Oscar nominations have been announced, and once again Jennifer Aniston was not nominated for Best Actress. But you know who was nominated for Best Actor? Steve Fucking Carrell! Michael Scott, himself. Go fucking figure!
So the Oscar nods have been dropped and I have to say that overall I’m very pleased. “Birdman” and “Grand Budapest Hotel” are leading the pack with 9 nominations a piece, which makes me SUPER happy, even though I am a bit bummed that “Interstellar” was overlooked. I mean, “Gravity” was a fucking shitty and annoying space movie and it WON best director, “Interstellar” was like “Inception”, but for space, and it gets nothing? That’s some bullshit.
Meryl Streep got nominated for “Into the Woods” because DUH, it’s Meryl Fucking Streep. If she took a year off they’d still nominate her for like her napping ability or something. Bitch shits out Oscar nominations.
I’m gonna go ahead and make my predictions now:
Best Actor: Michael Keaton in “Birdman”?(I’d like to see something original win, because fuck Eddie Redmayne and fuck biopics)
Best Supporting Actor: J.K. Simmons for “Whiplash” (I fucking love that guy)
Best Actress: Julianne Moore for “Still Alice” (I haven’t seen it, but I like Julianne Moore and the Academy has a boner for her, so whatever)
Best Supporting Actress: Patricia Arquette for “Boyhood” (I actually think this a pretty weak category this year)
Best Picture: “Boyhood” (yes, it’s a triumph for cinema the way this whole thing was put together and I believe it will win because of that, but I think “The Grand Budapest Hotel” was the better film)
Best Director: Richard Linklater for “Boyhood” (I’d love to see Wes Anderson FINALLY be recognized for his directorial genius, but you can’t deny Linklater’s commitment and devotion to this film, so I’d be happy to see it go to him and I think it will).
Best Original Screenplay: Alejandro Gonz?lez I??rritu, Nicol?s Giacobone, Alexander Dinelaris and Armando Bo for??Birdman? (I’d like to see Wes sweep the whole damn show, but I need to be realistic. This will probably win).
Best Adapted Screenplay: Graham Moore for??The Imitation Game? (I dunno, shit with Cumberbatch is really in right now).
There are obviously a ton more awards to predict but no one gives a fuck about them, so that’s where I will leave you.
And for those of you pissed about Jennifer Aniston’s snub, look on the bright side: “Unbroken” didn’t get nominated for shit all either!