It’s not often I care about celebrity break-ups (not true, I get Us Weekly updates sent directly to my phone), but this particular break up is hitting me hard. Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr have just announced their separation and all I can think is: if two people that good looking can’t make it work, what hope do the rest of us have?!
Bloom and Kerr seemed to have it all: they’re both so pretty it makes me want to hurl (I keep a pictures of both of them on my phone: one of Kerr to inspire me to go to the gym, and one of Bloom to inspire me when I’m home alone in bed, if you catch my drift, which you probably do as I’m being blatantly obvious with my innuendo), they both have successful careers (Kerr is a top model, while Bloom has starred in two billion-dollar film franchises), and they have a baby son who is so cute he defies logic. So where did it all go wrong?
The 36-year-old British actor and the 30-year-old Australian Victoria’s Secret model began dating back in late 2007, and in 2010 the genetic gods rejoiced when they became pregnant. They were married in July 2010 after announcing their engagement just a month beforehand and welcomed their son, Flynn, in January 2011.
On October 25, 2013, Bloom’s publicist released the following statement:
“In a joint statement, Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr have announced that they have been amicably separated for the past few months. After six years together, they have recently decided to formalize their separation.
Despite this being the end of their marriage, they love, support and respect each other as both parents of their son and as family.”
Frankly, I’m a little thrown off by this statement. Bloom’s publicist says the couple has been separated for months, but they were last photographed together, looking pretty happy, might I add, on October 8th. Also, Kerr has been raving about Bloom over the past month! In the November issue of Cosmopolitan, which is out now since magazines never seem to know which month it is, Kerr talked about the joys of being married and how inspiriting she found Bloom to be as an actor:
“When I saw Orlando on Broadway in Romeo and Juliet, I was blown away,” Kerr stated in the magazine. “For someone to be able to learn all that and hold the energy to do it every day, six days a week—I have so much respect for him. We don’t run lines though. We keep that very separate. That would be like me asking him to teach me how to catwalk.”
In the article she also said she likes to lounge around the house in a silk robe, sexy panties, and red lipstick. SO WHERE IS THE PROBLEM?! The only explanation is that they got sick of arguing over who was prettier. Orlando! Miranda! You both have dreamy eyes I could just fall into, so can’t you work it out? Not just for yourselves or your son, but for us less attractive people who need something to look up to! Don’t be dream killers, guys. In the famous words of Jennifer Aniston, that’s so “uncool.”