OMG guys, OMG!!!! OK, let’s all calm down. We know it’s hard! (No pun intended – OMG – we actually did intend that pun!! OMG what are we like!?!?) But let’s all take a breather and compose ourselves.
Tits!! Sorry.
Tits. Sex! TITS SEX TITS BOOBS! No! Really sorry guys!
OK. Phew.
Right, we really have calmed down now. Sorry about all that but, taking it as read that you, dear reader, are human and are aware of the potent brain retarding powers of the sexual image, then you can no doubt fully empathise with hecklerspray’s frat boy like reaction to the extraordinary nipple sighting of one of Britain’s most respected authors, Katie Price, at her latest book launch.
Katie Price was born in Brighton on May 22 1978. For about 18 years after that not much happened until, one day, she stumbled across a magic man wielding a scalpel who said he could make her unfathomably famous in exchange for a shitload of cash. She took up the magic man's offer and, sure enough, within weeks she was sleeping naked with Teddy Sheringham in a huge pile of the Queen's face (as well as first Governor of the Bank of England, Sir John Houblon – lest we forget).
And that was ages ago! Loads more has happened since then and she is celebrating her celebrity lifestyle by releasing her 37th autobiography, Jordan: Pushed To The Limit.
Her writing isn’t for everyone, but if you’re looking for a book where one page goes into heart-breaking detail about the difficulties of raising a disabled son, closely followed by a meticulous description of the throbbing glory of Dwight Yorke’s penis, then Katie Price is definitely the author for you.
In her latest book, you can loom forlornly as Jordan's "rollercoaster life… shows no signs of slowing down"; pity her as she battles with the "emotional challenges" of "post-natal depression"; experience first-hand her "traumatic miscarriage" (note: not a chirpy miscarriage – a traumatic one); pray for her soul as she "continually fears for the safety and health of her children and husband" and realise the irony of it all as she tells us that her "desire and appetite to succeed know no bounds."
Hang on a minute? Why do we care about this? Oh yeah, Jordan's tit fell out at the press conference! TITS!! She’s gone and got herself some free publicity! How does she do it? OMG!!!
Read more: