When this year’s Dancing With The Stars began, and you looked at all the contestants, who did you think would win?
Nicole Scherzinger. You obviously thought that Nicole Scherzinger would win. That’s partly because Nicole Scherzinger dances on a day to day basis for a living, and partly because the other Dancing With The Stars contestants were either octogenarian astronauts or reality TV stars who’d given birth so many times that they could barely get through a Paso Doble without tripping up on their own saggy vaginas. No, Nicole Scherzinger was always going to win Dancing With The Stars. Always.
And last night Nicole Scherzinger won Dancing With The Stars. Oh, at least try to look surprised.
Well, that’s Dancing With The Stars finished for another year. What an experience it’s been for everyone. We’ve seen Pamela Anderson defy the basic laws of engineering by standing upright and moving around a bit. We’ve seen a brand new side to Kate Gosselin that’s even less likeable to the side we already knew about. We’ve seen Buzz Aldrin dance for money, which is one of the least dignified things you can see a former astronaut do, after having full sex with a scale polystyrene model of the moon.
And we’ve seen Nicole Scherzinger. Nicole Scherzinger’s competition going into last night’s Dancing With The Stars final was figure skater Evan Lysacek in a battle billed as ‘The supreme performer versus the supreme athlete’. That seems to be overdoing it a little, because it’s based on the presumption that figure skaters are athletes and not just jumped-up dancers, and that girls who basically just waggle their boobs and arses around for a living count as performers. But anyway, Nicole Scherzinger and her partner Derek Hough won. Did we mention that? Reuters reports:
When host Tom Bergeron announced Scherzinger was the winner, she seemed genuinely surprised, jumping up and down and screaming and hugging Hough. She blew a kiss to her rival Lysacek and his partner Anna Trebunskaya, and he graciously accepted second place saying he was “totally satisfied with everything we gave.”
So congratulations to Nicole Scherzinger. Winning Dancing With The Stars is bound to be a giant career boost for her – just look what it did to former Dancing With The Stars winners like… um… oh, actually, never mind.
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