There are many actors who have all sorts of memorable lines that we incorporate into everyday conversation.
Due to an unfortunate bout of audio dyslexia that we suffered for several years, Arnold Schwarzenegger?s classic line of ?hasta la vista, baby? sounded to us like ?pasta not pizza baby.? Not only did we come across as cocks, but various pizzerias got destroyed due to cutlery, crockery and drinks being thrown around. We are that mental.
Compared to Arnie, though, Nicolas Cage has fewer memorable lines. Why?s that? Pretty much because he seems like the sort of actor who gets his roles because a first-choice actor had already turned it down. After many of years of trying to make himself exciting, Cage has randomly announced his love of meat. But we all like meat, so what makes him different? Sadly, it's because he's vaguely famous and is being different. Or a fussy eating prick.
When a bag full of chicken nuggets is plonked on your table at McDonalds, the first thing that comes into your head is ‘blurgh’ if you happen to be a vegetarian or ‘where?s the ketchup? if you’re not. Not many people will think of the innocent chicken that had its insides mashed to death, refrozen like some of poultry zombie, coated in breadcrumbs, boiled again in dirty oil and then offered to a fat kid whose every podgy finger is the size of a normal person?s hand.
Maybe we got Nicolas Cage wrong. Perhaps under that crap actor vibe he gives out, he is an OK guy after all. He even cares about where his meat comes from – however it isn't in the most traditional of ways. He won't be accusing companies of raising cows in cramped conditions so they can't move, nor will he be making sure that every pig turned into his bacon treats died with a smile on its face.
Instead of organically-grown products, Nicolas Cage will only eat meat if it had a good sex life. Yup, that's right – he?ll only chomp on some sort of creature if it managed to have sexy fun time before being killed. If the circumstances aren't right, he won't be swallowing and will just spit instead. The Guardian quotes:
“I actually choose the way I eat according to the way animals have sex. I think fish are very dignified with sex. So are birds. But pigs, not so much. So I don’t eat pig meat or things like that. I eat fish and fowl.?
How this process is decided isn't clear at all. Perhaps he employs a Dr. Doolittle type person to talk to the male species of salmon, carp and cod and ask them how much sex they've had. Failing that, a team of personal chefs who cook for the star could reject any creature that doesn't hold at least 30ml of animal jizz in its penis. For the females, a simple case of asking how many partners they've had is a simple test. More than five and there a surefire animal slut who needs to be punished by being sacrificed to the shit God that is Nicolas Cage.
We thought that dog would be on top of his animal meats list, after all there is a sodding sex position named after them when they decide to make puppies. Or are bred for a Korean lunch.
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