My Chemical Romance – the Soda Stream of Rock (tasteless, full of gas and depressingly disappointing) – are having a typically overwrought time of it at the moment and no amount of self-harming is going to get them out of this drama.
See, they’ve had to sack their drummer who you’ve never heard of. Why? Because he’s been stealing from the group.
But what has he stolen? There wasn’t any musical ability to take, but a sacking means that it was more precious than even that! We’ve got an idea…
The drummer, with the exciting name of Michael Pedicone (which means ‘man who has unlawful sex with underage geometric conoids), has been fired after the terrible band claimed that he’d been “caught stealing”, just like a Jane’s Addiction song.
After a year putting up with staring at Gerard Way’s anus, he’s been replaced by the unfortunate Dead Country sticksman Jarrod Alexander.
Guitarist Frank Iero says:
“Some shit happened last night. The relationship between My Chemical Romance and Michael Pedicone is over. He was caught red-handed stealing from the band and confessed to police after our show last night in Auburn, Washington. We are heartbroken and sick to our stomachs over this entire situation.”
Pedicone says:
“What happened is more complicated than it sounds but I did make a mistake. It was never my intention to hurt this band or all of you ? It was an error in judgment based on a whole other situation that’s way deeper, but this does not define me.”
So what did he steal? Well, we have an inkling that My Chemical Romance are avid bottle collectors and Pedicone tried to take one of them to use for his bottles of squash that he likes to drink on-stage.
As you can see from this video, MCR are so keen on bottles that fans are desperate to add to their collection, even as they play.
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