When we watch Miley Cyrus these days, part of us feels like we’re watching our own daughter grow up.
Our own disappointing daughter. Who we raised in a borderline negligent way. That’s how invested in Miley Cyrus we are. But now Miley Cyrus is all grown up, and to prove it she’s spent the last week simulating lesbian kisses on televised talent competitions and visiting GAY to dress up like an actual prostitute while flashing her knickers at a gang of underwhelmed homosexuals.
God knows we hope that Miley Cyrus got the attention she expected. The only way to be more overtly adult than this is to make a direct-do-DVD softcore pornographic thriller. And Miley isn’t scheduled to enter that phase of her career for another four years.
What a week Miley Cyrus has had. She’s made it clear that she no longer wants to be known as that girl from Hannah Montana, which is why she’s spent the last few days doing her best to convince the world that she’s some sort of Bacchanalian pan-sexual party girl who will stop at nothing until she’s reached an unconquerable plateau of physical satisfaction. Or, you know, a bit of a slag.
On Thursday’s Britain’s Got Talent, Miley Cyrus made waves by appearing to kiss a female dancer, a trick she followed up this weekend by visiting GAY, dressing up as a recent divorcee out on a hen night and furiously writhing around like she was in an audition for intestinal parasite medication. Here is a video of some of Miley’s GAY performance. Last more than 10 seconds and you’ve won our eternal respect…
Oh, and as for the Britain’s Got Talent lesbian kiss, Miley Cyrus isn’t having of that. She definitely didn’t kiss a female singer. Definitely not. That’s why she wrote on her website:
During my performance I supposedly ?KISSED A GIRL? and this is the newest thing to cause controversy. I promise you I did not kiss her and it is ridiculous that two entertainers cant even rock out with each other without the media making it some type of story. I really hope my fans are not disappointed in me because the truth is I did nothing wrong.
We only hope that Miley Cyrus’s fans listen to her message. Kissing girls is wrong. But pretending to kiss girls for attention and then throwing a strop because you don’t like the attention? That’s perfectly OK.
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