Miley Cyrus has got herself a new tattoo. That’s the kind of news your worthless lives needed to hear when you woke up this morning. Miley’s tattoos give your otherwise pointless day some meaning, right?
And what tattoo has she got? Well, one source close to the singer says she’s got a spider’s web on her scalp, while another pal says she’s got ‘All Cops Are Bastards’ across her left knuckle. Another source, meanwhile, claims that Cyrus has got a design of a rat, surfing on a bin lid across a sea made of dolphin guts.
However, there’s another source coming forward who is probably the one to listen to and when you hear her words, you may well want to cane a bong, Miley-style, to stop yourself from wanting to end your own life.
Of course, you’ll know that Miley has a few tattoos already – alas, not one of them features on her eerily long gums.
Now the singer-actress-annoyance has added a dream catcher on her torso to her collection of already piss-poor tats. Get that? A dream catcher? Jesus wept, she’s going to regret that one in a few years’ time. A dream catcher tattoo is the rich dippy kid’s version of an Eeyore tramp-stamp.
Miley’s friend, who is presumably always keen to make a fast buck on Miley’s every fart and burp, decided to let everyone know what this awful, awful tattoo meant. Apart from, y’know, the fact it means money can’t buy a young woman taste.
“It’s a picture of the dream catcher that hangs over her bed with four feathers to represent her four brothers and sisters – the dream catcher is to protect them”
Now, this is quite a novel protection system. Most people protect themselves with guns in America, rather than vaguely hippyish tattoos of bits of wood and string. In fact, she would have been better issuing her siblings with a specially designed gun which fired out actual dream catchers at advancing trouble.
Imagine the indignity of being knocked-out cold by a stupid dream catcher.
Miley adds this stupid design to heart and a small cross on her fingers, the word ‘love’ on her ear and the phrase ‘just breathe’ on her rib cage. Even though the latter sounds like instructions for a person to stupid to breathe, it is in fact a tribute of a friend who died of cystic fibrosis. Shame on you for sneering in advance.
The friend added:
“All of Miley’s tattoos have a deep meaning to her. They all represent family and friends close to her”
As you can see, Miley is dealing with the big themes of the world there, like philosophy, life and… er… the people who lived in a house with her for most of her life.
Next week: Miley gets a tattoo concerning the fridge her mum had for years.
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