The trendiest must-have pet to have this year is the micro pig – it boasts all sorts of advantages over the traditional puppy.
Every winter, stark warnings are given to us that a dog is for life, not just for Christmas. Now, whilst we don't condone the abandoning or even killings of puppies, at least the micro pig can be put towards an early morning bacon sandwich once it stops being cute.
So what makes micro pigs so desirable? Well, it turns out they do nothing but look stupidly cute because they're very small. They’re so teeny, in fact, that stepping on them is a dangerous likelihood. Now one micro pig has gone the extra step and gotten its very own Peaches Geldof to look after. Let's hope it knows the task it's taking on.
Peaches Geldof is the creation of angry sweary Irish charity man Bob Geldof. He tried to do wonders for the world and help African people get medical care, housing, access to water and a nice pair of trainers. Late at night, he must cry deep tears knowing his stupidly-named daughter hasn't done anything to mirror his actions.
This is probably why there’s now a micro pig on the scene – to keep her occupied and stop her from doing anything stupid. Based on her previous outings in the big bad scary world, for a few months at least, it might work. Pinging the creature’s tail from curly to straight should make her shriek her with laughter. But just what exactly will this micro pig prevent Peaches Geldof from doing?
1 ? Getting stupid tattoos. Peaches Geldof has the figure that most teenage girls would probably want to go for. Well, take out the fake tan products, hair extensions and eliminate the post-photoshoot airbrushing. It's a shame she has decided to ink herself with random body decorations that can't be removed with fairy liquid.
2 ? Taking heroin. Despite her PR insisting that the hardest drug she takes is alcohol, photos of Peaches floating around the internet last year came attached with unsettling rumours of a freaky heroin binge. With her mother dying in drug-related instances, getting involved with this ropey world shouldn’t be actively encouraged. Baking, horse racing or gardening would be better.
3 ? Not inflicting her unique style of media work on us. As well as watching Peaches’s fascinating life through Sky One programmes, we also got to read articles by her in grown up newspapers like The Telegraph. It's great to know she was able to do this all by herself without once using her father?s name to help her along. That's like saying Stella McCartney had a helping hand too. Never in a million years.
Now Magazine reports that the cute porker is called Pennington, and we have a few key bits of advice in order for it to make sure its new Peaches Geldof grows big and strong. For example, it’s important that she's given plenty of booze to liven her up, and to regularly expose her to plenty of paparazzi when she attends the launch of a new BBQ meat product so her ego doesn't deflate.
This way, She'll never run away and get hit by a lorry on the M25.
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