Hecklerspray was saddened when Michael Jackson's terminally-ill kiddy-wanking trial ended. Not because we enjoy watching famous people potentially go to prison, but because we wouldn’t hear any more tales of Jesus Juice.
Now all we have to go on is the expectation of a new Michael Jackson album that, like the new Guns 'N’ Roses album, will be inevitably shit – if either of them actually ever come out. But instead of getting more botched plastic surgery or even trying to prove to the world he can still sing, Michael Jackson has strangely bought the rights to some of Eminem’s back-catalogue. It seems as if working with the stupid named one from The Black Eyed Peas didn’t work out for him, so now Jackson has opted to try and become a new white rapper. Er… scratch that last one.
What Michael Jackson has done is buy the rights to some of Eminem’s songs, no doubt either the ones about him hating his mother and his wife or the ones where he blabs on about his kid who, on his next album, will probably get 3578 mentions in the sleevenotes.
Because money will now roll in for him every time a video or song is played, we can expect Michael Jackson to be ringing up radio shows and crap reality programmes about cutting hair or something to request Eminem tracks. We can see it now: “Umm hi, I’m er… Michael Packman and I love the ghetto sounds of Eminem. He’s like totally my homeboy. Peace out, one love.” Not because Michael Jackson wants to motherfucking pimp it up in the house with a posse of hos and bitches, of course. He just wants money.
If it wasn’t enough to leech off one person's work, Icelandic nutjob Bjork has also had songs bought out by Michael Jackson. Also Beck, the man who gets nominated for a Brit award every year but never wins, has lost song rights to Michael Jackson, as has sexual siren Shakira.
Our inboxes are on red alert to see if Jackson wants to buy the rights to some of our award winning ramblings. All we'd want is his Neverland ranch theme park to dick around in as payment.
Read more:
dude.. says
YOU ARE A TOOL!!!
Viking Lumberjack says
dude:
I, certainly as well as many other people, appreciate your insightful and articulate comment. Truly, it speaks volumes of the intelligent streams of consciousness, thought, and awareness that are floating rapturously through your well-developed and highly educated brain.
Your point about the tool was particularly fascinating, as if to suggest that certain individuals, nay, all of humanity can be used as a tool to facilitate means which our ancestors only dreamed of. The extra exclamation marks and bold typeface drove home the point that we have the power to do anything, it is now only up to us to decide what it is we want to accomplish.
I would be honored if you would allow me to quote your eloquent statement, although I assure you that full credit will be given to the author. You sir, are truly a scholar amongst men.
Shiver says
Viking:
Best. Comment. Ever.
Fujikawa says
Great job Matthew.
I can never laugh enough at Michael Jackson.
Viking, you rock!
bobmoo79 says
It’s official, Matthew Laidlow is an idiot that hates on a person who has enough money to buy publishing rights to other artists songs in order to make lots of cash. Of course, in order to do that Jacko first had to be incredibly rich.
Jacko is not deperate for money, but knows a good business deal when he sees it. If Paul McCartney and Yoko Ono had had the same kind of foresight in the early 80s, they would never have turned down the chance to buy the Beatles rights themselves and Jacko would never have got the chance to turn a $40million dollar catalogue of music into a $1billion catalogue of music.
So not only can Paul McCartney not sing his ancient Beatles songs for sh1t coz his voice is crap, since the early 80s he now has to PAY MICHAEL JACKSON for the priviledge of being able to sing them. WHAT A RETARD!.
Symone says
okay….. heres my problem. U PEOPLE MAKE ME SICK. u cant laugh enough at michael, desperate 4 money??
mj will never go poor, cuz 4 1, hes been in tha business 4 too long, 2, he comes 4rom a rich family. its not
like him and his children r gonna live inna shelter sumwhere.
plus, what r ya’ll doin here in tha 1st place if all ya’ll was gone do is talk shit all day long about michael?!
hm, u must not have no life worrying about sumbodi else’s. and u must evidently care what he’s doing
because, what would u b doing here on this cite in tha 1st place?????? its people like ya’ll, tha haters, who
is actually inspiring michael 2 keep doing what he does. BEING THA BEST. ya’ll just jealous. and im right,
the better he becomes the more haterz he get.
so all tha bitchez and hoes and other people who got sumthin 2 say about michael, say it 2 me!!!
step!!! lets go!!! holla at me if u gotta problem wit what i just said, cuz i got sumthin 4 yo ass.
so hit me up, this ma emaill address ([email protected]) WHAT’CHU WAITIN 4 BITCH?!?!?!?!
(yes im talkin 2 u, tha 1 who iz hatin and got sumthin 2 say….) LETS GET IT!!!
jackson fan says
MICHAEL IS THE SHIT
mar says
cmmon pay some respect if you want to be resprect when u die!
i dnt know why ya’ll people keep posting bad comments to MJ.they ddnt do anything bad to you.if you dnt wanna respect him (MJ)Respect those people who are grieving.Ur also a followers of whom you like to adore.
So please be a human to respect human too.
mel says
your posts shows that you are obviously totally ignorant to the music publishing world and how it works. It is also obvious you have something against people who have the money and genius to invest it wisely. youre a fool.
alli1661 says
he his cute that what i thik
missallirock says
he wuts a rapper soo thak you if you thik he is
duong says
I don’t think you have brain though…:)):))…A rapper…Have you ever heard him rap-ing?…huh?….I don’t care if you’re a real journalist or whatever or trash or ill-educated, but…Seriously man, you’re one of the worst reporters i’ve seen in my life…A rapper?…
God…seriously…..no brain inside you…
ben says
fuuuuuuck you
iesha says
BEST STORY EVER
*APPLAUSE*
preet says
Yes, Michael can rap, you can listen to shout song by mj