Matthew McConaughey had so much to celebrate – like his inability to wear shirts and the sudden reversal of his baldness.
But now there’s more. Yesterday morning, Matthew McConaughey welcomed a baby girl into his life. A baby girl named Vida Alves McConaughey. The meaning of the name is a little unclear – while Vida is Portuguese for ‘life’, it’s also an anagram of ‘diva’, which could be a reference to the baby’s mother; or ‘a div’, which is almost certainly a reference to her father.
Still, we’re thrilled that Matthew McConaughey had a baby girl – in our experience, girls have a slightly increased tolerance to the stream of insultingly bad romantic comedies that McConaughey makes for a living, so at least they’ll have something to bond over.
Little Vida Alves McConaughey is going to lead a pretty charmed life. This is a bold prediction for someone only a few hours old, but we’re pretty sure that Vida will be able to do whatever the hell she likes in life without fear of reprisal from her father. And that’s because nothing she can ever do will be as genuinely moronic as being caught by the police dancing around her living room in the nude and playing the bongo drums while surrounded by drug paraphernalia, as Matthew McConaughey was in 1999.
So, if you’re Vida Alves McConaughey finding this article on the internet in about 2020 after googling your dad’s name, be sure to remind him of that the first time you’re arrested for shoplifting or sniffing glue or whatever it is that you futuristic just-born kids will get up to in 2020.
But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. Matthew McConaughey and Camila Alves have just become parents to a little girl named Vida Alves McConaughey, as Matthew McConaughey mentioned in a blog post that we presume was primarily written to demonstrate that he still doesn’t know that you need to use the letter G when describing things in the present continuous tense:
“Happy New Year everybody!!! On Sunday, Jan. 3rd at 12:13am, Camila gave birth to a healthy 7lb. 7oz. baby girl named “Vida Alves McConaughey”…. Vida is Portuguese for “life” and that’s what God gave us this morning… Camila’s recovering wonderfully and we are both truly honored to welcome this little lady into our family… thanks for all your well wishes and prayers along the way. another blessed day. we give thanks. just keep livin, Matthew and Camila”
It’s an undeniably sweet name – Vida means life and, in Vida, that’s what God gave Matthew McConaughey and Camila Alves – and it’s certainly better than the other names they were mulling over. Matthew and Camila were apparently keen on the whole ‘Portuguese translation of things that God gave them in the baby’ thing, which is why we heard it was a toss-up between Vida (Life), Noites Insones (Sleepless Nights), Mamilos Dolorosos (Sore Nipples) and Placenta Indesejados Gigante (Giant Unwanted Placenta). In retrospect, Vida seems like the decent choice.
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