God bless Mariah Carey. You see her prancing about wearing three sequins and some dental floss and you think "She can’t top that." Then you watch her on Live 8 hugging a bunch of African kids and demanding that someone bring her a microphone stand in front of billions of people and you think "She can’t top that."

Then she announces to the world that she wants to be a gor blimey cockney geezer.

Yelping warbler Mariah Carey (CDs) is moving to Britain to write songs for
her new album. Why she’s doing this is beyond us – maybe the new album
is going to be long-awaited Morris dancing/grime crossover we’ve all
been looking forward to.

Or maybe she’s desperately trying to keep up with established Britain-dweller Madonna – in which case she should go and marry someone who couldn’t direct a decent movie if his life depended on it.

Whatever her motives, Mariah Carey in London is going to be a
reality – her ‘people’ are already scouting for property around
Ladbroke Grove, Kensington and Marylebone. But that’s only phase one of
her plan – she’s also planning to learn how to speak proper cockney
just like Alfie Moon. She said:

"I love EastEnders and I’ve asked a friend of mine to record some
episodes for me. I love the way they speak – the cockney accent, so I’m
gonna learn it."

Let’s hope her new single will be called We Bleedin Well Belong Together You Muppet.

Read more:

Mariah Squarey – Mirror

[story by Stuart Heritage]