Try and hum one of Mariah Carey?s big hits to yourself. In fact, any of her songs. You just can't can you? As multi-millionaire recording artists go, she is utterly forgettable. Christ, we could whistle you at least two tunes by rubbish 90’s popsters Shampoo and they're skint.
Well fear not, because something memorable is finally taking place in Mariah Carey’s Scary Towers. The Los Angeles Department of Children and Family Services are investigating allegations of alcohol and drug use against Carey and Nick Cannon shortly after the birth of their twins.
Do you hear that? ?Shortly after? the birth? They were still in the hospital, glugging Cristal and rolling fat biftas whilst Carey juggled two babies onto her copious fun-bags to fill them with narcotic breast-milk whilst heating-up her crack pipe?
Or not, as it more likely turns out, leaving us just feeling a bit bored. Like we are when we listen to a Mariah Carey record.
A source sighs:
“The case will probably remain open for the next week, out of abundance of caution”
“There has been absolutely no findings that either Mariah or Nick were doing anything illegal, or that could place the twins in danger.?
Oh well.
As you were.
Apparently the whole thing kicked-off after a nurse suggested to Mariah ‘that if you drink Guinness … the yeast improves breast-feeding’ according to Cannon. Which is interesting only in that we didn't know they drank Guinness in America.
Reports that the nurse also advised Carey to avoid bartenders who insist on drawing a shamrock on the top when they pour it ?because they are dicks? are unconfirmed.
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