How much should any man enjoy watching Dancing With The Stars? Enough to remember that it even exists?
Yes, that’s exactly how much. If you know more than three of the Dancing With The Stars contestants by name you’re on iffy ground. And woe betide anyone who actually votes on the Dancing With Stars results.
But is unexpectedly turning up at the Dancing With The Stars studio with two loaded guns, a roll of duct tape and a handful of love letters to Shawn Johnson liking the show too much? Apparently so, because a bloke’s just been arrested for that.
Not so long ago we mentioned that this season of Dancing With The Stars was going to be the barmiest one yet. It turns out we were right, but for wildly different reasons than we imagined.
What we meant was that one of this year’s Dancing With The Stars celebrities was recently admitted to a psychiatric hospital, one was once convicted and jailed for perjury and one enjoys hurling laptop computers at the heads of ancient invalids.
What’s actually happened is that a berserk fan of Dancing With The Stars contestant Shawn Johnson has been arrested for apparently hopping over a fence into the show’s studio just so that he could be with her. AP reports:
An order was issued against Robert O’Ryan, who was arrested on Tuesday. O’Ryan was stopped by security at CBS Studios after he jumped a fence on Monday afternoon. Police later searched his car and found a shotgun and handgun ? both loaded ? as well as duct tape and love letters. A sworn statement by Johnson’s mother states that she was told by police that he believed he was meant to have a child with her daughter.
It’s the romance of it all that brings a tear to the eye, really. After all, we’ve lost count of the number of women we’ve wooed by illegally breaking into their workplace with a handful of maniac love letters about how we were destined to father their children.
The duct tape and loaded guns are just precautionary back-ups – after all, we believe it was Richard Bach who first said “If you love someone, tape up their limbs and mouth so they can’t run away or scream for help and then force them to do exactly what you say by pressing a loaded shotgun against their temple.” Timeless stuff. Beautiful, even.
It’s weird to think that, of all the Dancing With The Stars contestants, Shawn Johnson ended up being the recipient of all this misdirected admiration, isn’t it? She’s just your average extraordinarily supple lycra-clad 17-year-old professional gymnast. What’s so special about that?
Because, you know, if we were going to turn into a terrifying creepy stalker for any of the Dancing With The Stars participants, it’d have to be Chuck Wicks. The way he rocks that single constant nondescript facial expression of his? Dreamalicious.
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