You know those neighbours you have that like listening to music really loudly and singing along so badly that you find your ears curling in on themselves leaving you looking like a ’70s rugby player with root vegetable features? They sing and parp down the mic whilst throwing enough booze down their necks to kill George Best fifty times over?
Well, that’s almost nothing like Madonna – but she has indeed been done for noise pollution and we can only presume that, because she’s sold millions and millions of records to people presumably in possession of ears, that she isn’t getting arrested for her singing (her penchant for eerie photoshopped faces in magazine shoots however is a different matter).
Anyway. Madonna has been cited for noise pollution by authorities in London, according to some reports.
Westminster City Council officials were reportedly called to investigate neighbours’ complaints (was it Mr G Ritchie from Cockerneyland?) and the found that Madonna’s staff had thrown a massive party at the singer’s London home in her absence.
You see! It wasn’t her after all! If she was there, she certainly wouldn’t have made sure her serfs took the brunt of the complaints to protect her reputation.
Apparently, the music coming from the property was considered loud enough to be deemed a “statutory nuisance” and an official notice was posted through the Body of Evidence star’s letterbox.
So how loud is that? Louder than Janet Street Porter’s laugh? Louder than a tank driving over Janet Street Porter’s legs? Louder than Janet Street Porter with a bulldog clip attached to each nipple, stuck down a well with a PA system, a klaxon horn with a donk put on it?
Councillor Ed Argar didn’t clarify:
“If people want to hold a party, regardless of the time of day or night, they need to show some common courtesy to their neighbours, who should not have to pay the price for others? selfish behaviour.”
As a result of all this, Madge could face a court case and a fine of up to ?3,000 ($5,000) if she is cited for similar offences again, but a spokesperson for the council said that the case is unlikely to end up in court… because she’s dead rich and can swing stuff that people on council estates can’t. Or something.
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