It seems that the unwritten rule of solo female pop music has to be the accusation of having a fully functioning penis alongside the traditional front bottom genitals.
Lily Allen went through this torment when she was accused of being a ?chick with a dick? by no other than the north?s grubby pop princess, Cheryl Cole. Of course, this was just a childish pikey argument that got way out of hand.
Strangely, Lady Gaga seemed to embrace people?s curiosity about her having a two for one deal on her genitals. It was all the talk of magazines, chat shows and the immediate horror of blokes who?d had a cheeky fantasy about the eccentric American singer. Eventually, the novelty wore off with Lady Gaga herself being saying. “My beautiful vagina is very offended. I’m not offended – my vagina is offended.” Hooray for Lily Allen for fuelling the speculation again when she appeared at The Big Chill festival. Sorry, the Wanky Balls festival.
Festivalgoers are mental these days. It seems that annoying Canadian children are only the recipients of bottle-throws now because, when Lily Allen was performing at The Big Chill festival, someone sacrificed their tea and threw a potato at her. Reports are undecided about whether it had been roasted, boiled or was in an organic state, but it did come attached with a message which read ‘show me your penis.’ Responding accordingly, Lily Allen said:
?They must have mistaken me for Lady Gaga.?
Oh no she didn't! Meow! The claws came out there, didn't they? Good and proper we?d say. Now we get to suffer through a three-month bitching campaign from Allen and Gaga as they hatch nasty retorts deep in their underground bunkers. But wait, that would take too much effort wouldn't it? After all, Lily Allen is now with child and can use her pregnancy to lazily get out of any commitments.
Hooray for Twitter though, where the obese, stupid and bun-laden can still come together and write stuff that no-one particularly cares about. Backtracking a bit, Lily Allen Tweeted to her followers that they shouldn?t listen to these reports about her:
“Everyone knows I am @ladygagas biggest fan. So don’t believe the bullshit. I’m a little monster and no-one can take that away from me!?
For those not in the know, ‘monster’ is the nickname given to Lady Gaga fans. As far as we can tell, Lily Allen?s followers don't have a tag, but something along the lines of ‘drunken shouty, annoying woman-liker’ springs to mind.
Let's just hope that the two don't resolve this and kiss and make up. Actually, that's a horrible image isn't it? Two hermaphrodites connecting their organs into places we didn't know about.
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