In 2011, sportsmen are not paid to be interesting. They’re paid huge sums to perform like androids and churn out cliches about ‘the team’ while showing absolutely no excitement for the field in which they perform.
So in that case, Lewis Hamilton is the perfect modern sporting personality.
Like many others, this crashing dullery saw him bagging an attractive celebrity girlfriend. He somehow managed to snare Pussycat Doll, Nicole Scherzinger. Sadly for him, they broke up and now, instead of retaining a dignified silence, he’s showing vague personality by saying that he still loves her. Maybe he should’ve been a little more interesting while they were courting, huh? So has he been crying over journalists, begging for a reappraisal?
The formula 1 dullard has revealed that the pair may be getting back together following their split last month, which horrified precisely every single person on Earth.
Of course, with Sherz’ working in the thrilling drug-filled, oddity-magnet world of the music business (and TV too), everyone assumed that she couldn’t wait to get away from Hamilton and his grease-smelling gussets and macrobiotic lunches.
That’s rot.
Speaking to The Mirror, Lewis Lewis, oooh-ooooh, said:
“We still have very, very strong feelings for each other. It’s still very early days. Who knows? Maybe we’ll be together in the future.”
They won’t.
See, Nicole isn’t getting any young. In celebrity terms, she’s about 5,000 years old (in reality, she’s only 33, but fame multiplies your age in dog years) and the clock is ticking in her face, saying, IF YOU WANT CHILDREN YOU MUST DO IT SOON BEFORE YOUR UNDERCARRIAGE HEALS OVER FOREVER, TURNING INTO A BLEACHED, DRIED HUSK.
With Lewis Hamilton being about 5 years old, he’s not ready. Basically, Nicole is going to be dry-humping boring men who do want children while he looks on, crying into his tepid tap-water breakfasts.