If my boyfriend, whom I loved very much, died of a heroin overdose, I feel like, just to play it safe, the next guy I dated would be a nice, simple, almost boring guy that came with little to no drama or concerns. However, Lea Michele is clearly nothing like me because, as we all know, less than a year after Cory Monteith’s fatal overdose, she began dating a former male prostitute named Matthew Paetz.
As Lea is the queen of great fucking decisions, a mere four months after she started dating Deuce Bigalow, Male Gigolo, she decided that it would be a great idea to move his ass out of his three and a half star motel in the Valley and into her Hollywood mansion. Matthew Paetz: Gold diggers?and former tricks?from around the world are bowing down to you.
Matthew Paetz is legit one of the luckiest kept men on the planet right now. When I think of “former male prostitute who is now a kept boy toy for a rich broad”, I automatically think of a young, attractive, and probably gay dude who is now being paid to occasionally grind up on some old pussy (sorry for being crude, mom). But 1) Matthew was a heterosexual gigolo for “lonely women” (which I assume Lea Michele was), and 2) Lea Michele isn’t old and actually has a pretty nice body. He’s basically struck gold.
However, I do worry about Lea Michele. I get the need to live on the edge a little, but homegirl is basically asking for AIDS with her relationship choices. A heroin addict and a former male prostitute? Girl, I loved Cory and legit cried during the entirety of the Glee episode “The Quarterback”, but your sex life is like a red flag danger zone.
You wanna keep a hot male trick in your house to beat that up whenever your snap your fingers? Get it girl, just wrap that shit up.
To use a classic: