Lady GaGa is a huge Anglophile. Now, that doesn’t mean she sexually preys on isosceles triangles, but rather, she’s a big fan of England and Britain. That can only be attributed to the fact she hasn’t been a regular visitor to this godforsaken raincloud.
Either way, this weekend, she’s been in Blighty and in turn, hanging around with the entirely pointless Kate Moss before making her way up to Carlisle to upset just about everyone who listens to Radio1 on a regular basis.
For this is a tale of booze, thin legs and jazz.
GaGa played a small show in London over the weekend and Kate Moss was in attendance to show off her brittle collar bones, lifeless smile and ability to drink heavily. While performing, GaGa got heckled by the model to get some booze inside her… which is only a decent heckle if you’re dealing with a recovering alcoholic. And GaGa isn’t.
This saw GaGa reworking the lyrics to some of her songs to include Kate Moss’ name. In return for this splendid gesture, Kate Moss got to her feet like a newborn foal and began chanting:
?Drink, drink, drink! Gaga drink!?
What a scrote. What an unbearable, boorish, tin-ribbed hooligan.
Then, being one of those detestable pricks who talks constantly throughout at gig, Moss could be heard enlightening the world by drooling:
?I really need the loo but I'll hold it. I don't want to miss Gaga.?
Hilariously, while all this was going on, will.i.am stood shivering in the cold London air with all the other unbearable media pricks and Camden hangers-on because the security didn’t recognise him as someone famous.
Of course, GaGa’s weekend was capped off by her appearance in Carlisle for Radio 1?s Big Weekend. Hilariously, GaGa kept everyone waiting, solely to underline the fact that Fearne Cotton can’t adlib to save her life, leaving her to constantly remind us that the two had met earlier in the day.
The Telephone singer then appeared on-stage in a coffin (already spoilered by the idiots at BBC Three) before bursting into a hit-filled set.
Well kinda.
Not before GaGa hilariously forced a load of conservative pop-fans to sit through a 4 minute bebop solo, a shit-load of jazz, three piano ballads and a whole load of self-indulgent amusery. This left many pop fans complaining and mewing on twitter, looking for all the world like those bearded idiots who had a massive cry when Dylan went electric.
Fearne Cotton meanwhile, is probably telling everyone she met GaGa still and saying ‘legend’ and ‘genius’ over and over and over again like the simpering bag of sycophantic sputum she is.
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