Kimberly Stewart Breaks Off Engagement, Nobody Surprised

Kimberly_stewart_engagementNot so long ago, we predicted that Kimberly Stewart’s engagement to Talan Torriero would be over by Easter 2006. Seems like we had more faith in the engagement than they did – it didn’t even see the month out.

In fact, Kimberly and Talan were only engaged for a total of 11 days. While most people will see the break-up of such an obviously vapid engagement as something of an inevitable disappointment, we eternal optimists at hecklerspray can’t help but look on the bright side – if Kimberly gets a wriggle on, she can have three more failed engagements with spurious, career-furthering braindead reality TV stars before the end of the year, bringing her pointlessly short engagement 2005 tally to five.

Kimberly Stewart has broken off her engagement to MTV’s Laguna Beach
reality TV star Talan Torriero after just 11 happy days together. When they
announced their engagement less than two weeks ago, eyebrows were
raised around the world – it was Kimberly’s second engagement of the
year. Even Kimberly’s mother Alana Stewart wasn’t expecting it. She
told People Magazine:

"It definitely took me by surprise. She’s an impulsive girl. What can I say?"

But the news that Kimberly and Talan were no longer a couple almost brought a tear to our eyes – call us softies, but there’s nothing like a
relationship between a listlessly ambient rich rockstar’s daughter and
a relentlessly fame-hungry chancer who knows his time in the spotlight
is almost up to tug on the old heartstrings.

Kimberly and Talan ended their engagement in heartwarmingly
traditional style; getting their representatives to throw out a quickly
knocked-off statement. It read:

"It was just too soon to enter into a lifelong commitment. It is better to
have a brief engagement than a short marriage. The couple continue to
share their time together and remain open to whatever the future may

that their time-consuming engagement is over and done with, at least
Kimberly and Talan can go back to their hobbies; Kimberly can go back
to being in car crashes and being Paris Hilton‘s second-best friend, and Talan
can pursue his hopelessly misguided acting and singing career.

Read more:

Stewart And Torriero Call Off Engagement – People

[story by Stuart Heritage]