Poor Kim Kardashian. Aside from being bafflingly influential and disgustingly wealthy, she’s had a troubling 2011. Remember people accusing her and her family of dealing with sweat shops? Remember her 40 second marriage to some hoop chucking dillweed?
Well, that’s all about to change!
Yessum, 2011 has taught Kimly Kim K that, if things are going to get better, then she has learned that she need ‘to always follow her heart.’ All she has to do now is grow one.
The Famous For No Discernible Reason Human got into the spirit of New Year as she partied with her mother, Kris Jenner, at Tao Las Vegas. Wait. That’s not right. That’s what losers do. What kind of dweeb hangs around with their own mother on the one night you’re encouraged to drink your liver deathward and tap off with people you’ve just met?
Either way, People magazine have quoted her as saying:
“I learned to always follow my heart”
How bad did things get? Well, more awful than you can ever imagine. Not only did she move in with her mother, but she also… and this is incredibly difficult to write… she didn’t wear any make-up over the Christmas period. She said:
“I didn’t wear a stitch of make-up”
Because she wears so much of the stuff, we can only assume that her real, naked head is roughly the same size and a half-melted peanut M&M, like that guy from Beetlejuice.
Either way, stood in her thigh-high Gucci dress and Loren jewels, she’s now ready to move on.
“I’m looking forward to moving forward, and never looking back”
“Who else is soooo ready to let go of 2011 and have the best 2012 ever!”
Yay! Here’s to all those other people who have had a disastrous PR year in the fallout of a sham marriage! And there’s been quite a few of those!
Y’know, once upon a time, we would’ve speculated about the gayness of the people involved in these convenient marriages wouldn’t we?
We are all getting far too lazy.