Kim Kardashian would like you to know you have a bum. She really does! We’re actually not making fun of her. Yet. She really did make the throw away comment, during a recent interview, that everyone has a bum. We’ll build back up to that, we wouldn’t want you to overheat from that revelation.
Kim Kardashian is one of the three Kardashian sisters; who’re only famous because this one here got peed on, in a video we’re not allowed to talk about without notifying our lawyers first. Moreover, this one’s only really famous because of her preternaturally large backside.
It’s so large, in fact, there have been all kinds of weird conspiracies about her getting it insured and that it’s some kind of implant. Some kind of stunt bum. Or something. We tried to read up on it and got distracted by the pictures, pop-up ads and malware. So, heck if we know more than that.
Kim’s on some kind of publicity tour to promote her latest reality show; her television spin-off with sister Kourtney. It’s entirely uneventful, but while people are talking about a staged reality show, with nary a spontaneous word spoken, they’re not questioning the faint smell of urine in the room. And we have it on good authority, from people better than us at getting rid of horrible smells, that’s a good thing.
As the television show winds down and reaches its finale – also uneventful – we’re left with Kim’s magazine covers and sponsorship deals geared towards, essentially, keeping the world’s most marketable porn star in clean knickers. One of the magazines with whom she spoke this month was Cosmopolitan’s May issue.
Kim goes on the defensive about her bum dimples, for at least the second time in two weeks.
“When I was criticised for it, I said, ‘I have cellulite. So what!,'” she tells the magazine. “I’ve never claimed to be perfect. It’s crazy anyone should assume that just because you’re in the spotlight, you’re flawless. Sometimes I pig out and I still feel great, and think, ‘That was so worth it!’ That’s how I feel a lot of the time. I think, ‘See this little dimple of cellulite here? It was so worth it for that cookies ‘n’ cream ice cream!'”
Then she writes the Internet a strongly-worded letter about the same bum.
“I see ridiculous stories about my butt, like how it has been insured,” Kardashian says, referring to a long line of rumours. “I feel like saying, ‘Hey, everyone has a butt. It’s not that big a deal!’ But I suppose it’s flattering. Personally, I’ve always loved the curvy look. Even when I was a little girl and all my friends would be like, ‘Oh, my god, your butt’s so big.’ And I’d say, ‘I love it.'”
We’ve the feeling someone needs to keep that written down. So we’re not reminded of it again. We’ve no pens, nor paper, in the hecklerspray hovel, as its rationed and, Misery-style, we’re kept on a short leash. So, we’ll need one of you lot to write this down… ‘We’ve all got bums. Bums for everyone!’
Thanks.
This was a guest post by Amy Grindhouse, so a huge congratulatory slap on the anus for that!
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