Kim Kardashian is Kanye West’s Dinosaur

kimye

Not to shock or alarm you, but I am amazed to be reporting on the fact that Kanye West said some nonsensical, dumb ass shit in his interview with GQ magazine. I know, I know, Kanye is usually so humble and articulate and makes all of the sense when he speaks, so this is a pretty big shocker. 

Kanye is featured on the cover of next month’s GQ magazine and, as per usual, he spewed out a lot of bullshit that made zero fucking sense to anyone except Kanye. But the crown jewel of the interview? When he referred to himself as a blowfish and wife, Kim Kardashian, as a dinosaur.

When Kanye was asked about that time he was avoiding paps, hit his head off a sign, and then paps laughed at him, Kanye explained his behaviour by comparing himself to a blowfish, which makes me wonder if Kanye even knows what a goddamn blowfish is.

I’m a blowfish. I’m not a shark, I’m a blowfish. So that perfect example about me hitting my head, it’s like a blowfish.

Yeah, totally Kanye.

After that, he addressed the fact that it was rumored that he gave a 45 minute speech dedicated to himself at his wedding (if anything, I’m surprised it was that short):

What I talked about in it was the idea of celebrity, and celebrities being treated like blacks were in the ’60s, having no rights, and the fact that people can slander your name. I said that in the toast. And I had to say this in a position where I, from the art world, am marrying Kim. In the speech, I talked about the idea of collaboration and all the people involved working together and being able to change things. Meaning there was a time for two or three years where fashion designers wouldn’t give Kim dresses. There was a time they wouldn’t even let me be at shows. Now the idea that Kim is in a Givenchy Couture dress is raising the communication. Because people would be more apt to be like, “Celebrities don’t really have style. Celebrities can’t dress. Celebrities are less educated.” But they haven’t had the chance to be able to break through and have Carine Roitfeld sitting right there. Carine Roitfeld is the Walt Disney of what Tumblr is today. She is the Kanye West of what Tumblr is today. She’s the single most important person to what street style is today. And she was at the wedding seven seats down from Kim, who is one of the number one fashion plates of today. So I said, “Wow, Carine is seven seats down from Kim. Farnaz [Farjam], the producer of the Kardashians and the producer of The Real World, is four seats down from [director] Steve McQueen. And four seats, because in between them is Hosain [Rahman] from Jawbone.” This is what I talked about. That was not a forty-five-minute speech to myself. Do you realize what that means for those people to be in that close of a proximity to each other?

Classic Kanye, making everything about race. Yes, being famous now is exactly like how black people used to be treated (Kanye knows because he was totally a black man in the 1960’s), and yes, it’s so fucking groundbreaking to have the editor of Vogue and the producer of The Real World at the same wedding. Please Kanye, tell me what it means to have a true artist like yourself marry a reality star like Kim. Please inform me why that is so fucking relevant and important to the world.

Every single time Kanye West speaks I can’t help but immediately think “and this bitch…”

thisbitch

Anyway, the crown jewel of this whole shit show of an interview was when he was asked about Kim. In the past, he compared her to Marilyn Monroe. This time, he compared her to a cast member of Jurassic Park (and no, it wasn’t Jeff Goldblum, because that would actually be a major compliment:

Like they said in Step Brothers: Never lose your dinosaur. This is the ultimate example of a person never losing his dinosaur. Meaning that even as I grew in cultural awareness and respect and was put higher in the class system in some way for being this musician, I never lost my dinosaur.

Kim is this girl who fucking turns me on. I love her. This is who I want to be next to and be around…you mean to tell me that the dinosaurs walked the earth and stuff like that?! That’s amazing! You mean to tell me that these giant multi-ton crafts can fly that fast and that loud, and they can flip, and there’s danger, the possibility of them exploding? That’s fucking cool! You mean to tell me that this girl with this fucking body and this face is also into style, and she’s a nice person, and she has her own money and is family-oriented? That’s just as cool as a fucking fighter jet or dinosaur! And just as rarely seen.

Even though Kanye and his bullshit make me roll my eyes more than girls drinking pumpkin spice latte’s and wearing Uggs, the fact that he referenced the movie Step Brothers made me find this whole comparison just a little more tolerable.

I couldn’t find a picture of Kim Kardashian as a dinosaur, but here is one of Tyra Banks, so, you know, kind of the same?

trextyra

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