Today it was confirmed that Khloe “The Beast” Kardashian and Mario “Super-Gay” Lopez will be sharing hosting duties for the second season of the X Factor USA when it resumes live shows on November 1st.
This deal has been in the works for some time now, but it still comes as a bit of a surprise because it’s difficult to conceive of two people who could possibly have any less chemistry than this unlikely twosome. There is literally no plausible approach from which this pairing makes sense.
The network is obviously not aiming for sexy banter between the co-hosts, considering that Mario is clearly gay and Khloe is outrageously fat (and therefore utterly non-sexual to all non-obese people). Maybe they’re going for the faux combative angle instead? In that case, Mario should take cover, because, his rippling muscles aside, Khloe could easily whoop his pansy-ass. She looks way tougher and outweighs him by at least 100 pounds.
It’s much easier to imagine harmony between the hosts and the judges’ panel. Khloe and Demi Lovato can bond over their obesity issues. Mario can school Simon on how to wax his disgusting body hair. And Britney and L.A. can commisserate over their complete irrelevance to society at large.
From a more positive perspective, Khlo-io can’t possibly be worse than Season 1 host, Steve Jones. Mario on his own is a goldmine. I (and I assume the rest of the world) have worshipped him ever since his riveting portrayal of Olympic diver Greg Louganis in 1997’s phenomenal television movie Breaking the Surface: The Greg Louganis Story.
That brick house Khloe, on the other hand, has no discernible skills aside from a really grating baby voice. And what if she finally gets knocked up? What then? Maybe that’s the ploy! Maybe the network is banking on the vitality of Lamar’s sperm to keep Khloe’s X Factor reign short. We all know that Khloe has no value beyond her last name. So maybe you hook a few viewers in with the lure of a famous sister’s booty, and before they jump ship when realizing that Khloe is very surely not Kim, you can bait and switch with another big name, like maybe a Lohan.