Peter Andre and Katie Price are a gift that just keep giving aren’t they? Once upon a time, they were just two people who didn’t know each other, both keen on showing their tits to the world. Price, then known as the country of Jordan, graced page threes and lad rags, pouting with a vacant look in her eye. Andre meanwhile was the champion of ’90s cod-reggae, all pouting with a dead look in his eye.
Then, via reality TV, they met and gave each other hard-ons, soundtracked by an orchestra of dry-heaving celebrities stuck in the jungle who had to listen to them slobbering over each other like teenagers at a shit house party. A meringuey wedding ensued and, in no time at all, it started going horribly, horribly wrong.
Now, Andre wants it all erased from his mind like some dystopian sci-fi film.
Initially, Andre was joking when he said that he’d like Katie Price hypnotised out of his puny little mind. He made the comment on ITV gameshow Odd One In (no, us neither), during a round in which he had to spot the genuine hypnotist from a line-up of five.
It was a trick question of course because hypnosis is bunkum.
Various reports say that Andre asked: ?Is it possible through hypnosis to forget someone from your recent past?? which was met with braying cheers from a public yet to work out what they like about him.
Of course, idiot TV execs got their collective thinking caps on and thought this was too good an opportunity to miss and have now offered (ITV, unsurprisingly) Peter Andre the chance to undergo a hypnosis session on television.
Jesus wept. We can only hope he regresses to childhood and soils himself, before reliving the life of a Victorian prostitute with no teeth, screaming in syphilitic pain. Only because it would make for ace car-crash TV mind you.
A source said:
?It will make fantastic viewing. Can Pete finally empty his memory bank of his ex-wife? Who wouldn't want to find out the answer to that one??
Let’s make a deal ITV. If you’re offering this to Andre, then at least have the decency to offer a similar red button service to the general public so we can blank out both of these cretinous urchins from our lives forever and ever. Oh, and Piers Morgan too.
In fact, what we’re essentially asking is that ITV just close down their broadcasting wing. It’ll save us from gouging the ‘3’ button out of our remote controls.