You really think you have the energy to hear this? Sure about that, are we? Let's just take this slow, just in case. Let's not get lodged inside something dark and unyielding and then regret it afterwards (Extract from Antony Costa?s Bedroom Memoirs, 2008) So. Katie Price has written another book.
You should know the drill by now, because of that time you accidently walked into a Newsagents and bought Heat Magazine regularly for two years. Just in case you don't ? here?s the situation we're facing. After having had some sex with Dane Bowers, Peter Andre, Katie Waissel, and most recently a hired homosexual gentleman ? Katie Price?s career as a businesswoman was for some reason being somewhat overlooked. It was then that Katie discovered her greatest talent ? ringing someone up and asking them to write a book for her. A great author was born (but that’s not relevant).
Today saw the launch of Katie?s latest literary delight in the shape of ?The Comeback Girl?. A story about something, or other. Pssh. Bloody pretentious Pulitzer fodder, if you ask us.
On top of all this, during the event at the 02 Academy in Leeds, Katie decided to give the world yet ANOTHER blessing, by staging a world record attempt to sign as many books as possible in eight hours, like her hero ? chess extraordinaire and all round DD+ glamour-puss Anatoly Karpov. Unfortunately, we can reveal that Katie?s attempt was unsuccessful. The bright side is that we we can all focus on the content of the novel now, which is clearly what Katie wanted all along.
Besides, as Yazz once concluded ? The Only Way is Up. Based on this logic, and this logic alone – we forecast bright things in the future for Katie. Oh wait, The Only Way is Essex now, isn't it? Never mind. Katie?s talents will shine through regardless. And if you are unlucky enough to not possess the shining beacon of optimism that we uphold every single day, then take a look at some of these quotes from an interview in today's Sun about Katie?s next chosen career path instead:
?I'd love to be a detective. I’m obsessed with Harold Shipman, Dennis Nilsen, Ted Bundy and Rose and Fred West, I’ve read about them in detail – really sick, true crime.?
“I’d like to go to a murder scene and try to work out what’s happened. I actually looked into how to be a detective once, but you have to join the police first.?
“Last night I stayed up late watching 24 Hours In A&E. I suppose it all makes me feel better about my own life.?
“For now, I’ll make do with making a TV series interviewing Britain’s worst criminals.”
Goodnight, and god bless.
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