Katie Holmes may well be wealthy and successful, but that doesn’t stop the entire world pitying her. For starters, she’s in the unfortunate position of being married to Supreme Thetan, Tom Cruise AND she’s no doubt aware that everyone laughs at her because she’s one of those women who towers over her beau.
And so, to stop us from thinking that she’s a dead-eyed Scientologist with a head filled with quasi-religious gunk, she’s decided to act like One Of The Girls by talking about her knickers.
Because talking about your underpants in public isn’t peculiar at all is it? Nope. Not one bit. UNLESS YOU’RE SOME KIND OF GUSSET OBSESSED NUTTER THAT IS.
So why is Holmes talking about her scads? Well, she’s on the cover of InStyle’s August edition, and no, we’ve never got ’round to reading the publication either. It’s probably the kind of tat that gives away free cheapo sunglasses and Piz Buin flavoured biscuits or something.
Anyway, Katie features in the mag, cooing about underwear in a desperate attempt to not talk about her dodgy beliefs and her dung-brained husband who is probably preparing some underground lair filled with insect royalty who will devour non-believers like us Cometh The Hour.
Basically, nice undercrackers are her favourite thing. She likes them more than she likes L. Ron Hubbard.
“They make you feel special when you put them on in the morning.”
This is particularly useful when you have a husband who doesn’t make you feel special, ever.
“Even when I was a little girl I loved my ‘days of the week’ pairs. I love the hot pink ones, that makes my day!”
See? So devoid of joy is Holmes, that pink gruds are the only thing that make her day seem worthwhile enough to plod through. She invariably stares at them, all laid out on her bed and meekly smiles saying “At least you guys will never belittle me with talk of alien rulers.”
Be sure to pelt Tom Cruise with pink, soiled knickers if you should bump into him at your local corner shop. It’s the only way the message of Katie Holmes enormous depression is ever going to get through to him.
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