Kate Moss is a dribbling simpleton isn’t she? No, not because she’s a model who are all uniformly thick. You know Moss is a dunce by looking at her circle of friends and lovers. She was in a romance with wailing barf-bucket Pete Doherty, as well as (reportedly) chasing Courtney Love around a hotel so she could stick fingers into Hollywood’s largest vagina.
She’s also chums with the bass player from The Most Overrated Group In The Whole World The Clash and hangs around with glass-eyed Sadie Frost. Her world is filled with people hurr-hurring to themselves about how funny clouds are and filled with silences teaming with brains trying to work out how people manage to grow sausages in a can.
And now, she’s swapping bodily fluids with Jamie Hince (a nobody from nothing band The Kills) and having a marriage which may or may not be a figment of our collective imagination.
Apparently, the wedding she had to Hince IN A CHURCH wasn’t real. These days, it seems that Sicilian Catholic churches are willing to sidestep tradition and sort out wealthy models with a blessing. Obviously, churches in Italy are famous for that sort of thing aren’t they?
Clearly, Kate Moss is learning that musicians are generally the most boring people on the planet and that, if you’re going to shack-up with one, then you should at least brace yourself for the moment when you realise just how crashingly dull they are, and safeguard against the inevitable break-up and money demands that always arise from celebrity marriages.
That’s right. If you say a wedding is a blessing, then it makes it alright to dump someone and not give them any of your money.
That means you don’t have to stop forking out cash on your decadent lifestyle choices like buying compilation videos of CCTV footage featuring Naomi Campbell throwing various objects and blood-soaked diamonds at assistants and hangers-on. ALLEGEDLY.
Of course, Kate is aping the Rolling Stones’ Mick Jagger who has pulled the I Can’t Believe It’s Not A Real Marriage stunt with loads of women, famously, model Jerry Hall. He got wed at a Hindu ceremony in Bali before annulling it saying that the whole thing wasn’t legally binding.
A source says:
“Kate is convinced Jamie is The One… or at least, The One for now.
“When Jamie proposed, she accepted – but only after giving it a great deal of thought. She was adamant the wedding would be totally secret and very boho.
“Her mucker Mick once joked to her that blessings were the way to go because they meant no loss of independence – financial or otherwise. Kate told Jamie their wedding would be as traditional and sacred as any other wedding, which is why they exchanged rings.
“There just wouldn’t be as much paperwork.”
Anyway, we’re not supposed to know about this marriage because, aside from not giving the remotest of monkeys, Moss wanted all hush-hush.
However, we do know, so we all get too look forward to various reports of Kate Moss throwing tantrums and tiny, skeletal punches toward people who we’ll never know the names of.
Brilliant.