Kate Beckinsale is absolutely disgusting. We think this for many reasons – one being the popular evidence citing that after she chopped that evil vampire’s head in half in her one movie, she ate his brain off screen.
The evidence we’re talking about there is a dream we had. Seriously – she swallowed it all in less than a bite.
Another reason is she’s worked so hard to actually convince us she’s disgusting. Her butt, for instance, isn’t good enough for her. That’s why she never allows it any screen time, causing an enormous jealousy driven feud between her lips, nose and buttock.
It’s true though – she wants a butt double in some upcoming movie that no doubt has a driven, character-based plot and a wicked surprise ending that’s impossible to predict. That or it ends with her finally kissing her male co-star who she’s loved all along but just didn’t realize it.
Now doesn’t that sound nice?
In Van Helsing everything was progressing swimmingly until Kate Beckinsale‘s butt got on camera and accidentally crushed the stitched-skull of that Frankenstein monster, and caused cameras 3-5 to tip right off their tracks. Also it wiped out the catering table, but not by tipping it.
Is that believable? Beckinsale apparently thinks so. The Daily Mail has the specs:
“She has a slim, toned figure that most women would die for. But Kate Beckinsale has demanded a body double for her latest film – because she “loathes” her bottom. Producers have had to hire a £1,000-a-day nude stand-in after Kate, 34, refused to bare her derriere in a shower scene.”
We bet the stand-in has more to do with the soap’s acting ability than it does Kate having a shy derriere. We’d be frustrated too if all we were getting was a poorly-acted lather and dozens of retakes. They should use Irish Spring – seriously, remember Fight Club?
But until then some person with a skinny, well proportioned, non-grotesque butt is gonna have to earn approximately $2,000 a day to stand there in the bubbles with the camera getting so close we’ll all start sneezing from the butt-fuzz when we see it on the silver screen.
Actually that doesn’t sound too bad. You know we could feasibly fit into Beckinsale’s favorite jean-brand. Also we have a tremendous flex back there. We’re just saying.
Hey producers, we’re just saying.