Are The Kardashians Possibly Going Away? Oh Please, YES!

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Kardashian FamilyAfter losing a shit ton of money, magazine publishers are finally figuring out what the rest of the world has known for a while- that the Kardashians suck and we are over them, so they are going to stop putting them on their covers.   Add that to the fact that people are pressing the “Hell no, change that channel” button, and their E! show is losing ratings, and the Kardashians may no longer dominate the media.

Oh man, two Christmas wishes granted in a row?!  The Claus’ are so on top of their shit this year!  Let Chris Brown and Justin Bieber get lost in the Bermuda triangle, and it’ll be a Miracle Trifecta!

Gossip magazines are basically just in it for the money.  They don’t care about breaking new ground, being all that innovative, or even if what they print is exactly the truth.  What they care about are the sales figures and the profit.  Printing stories that will make the most teenagers and housewives stop at the grocery check out line and shell out $4.95 for a physical copy of something they could read online from using Bing.  Using photographs that just compel a person to stop, buy, and spend way too much time fawning over them, whether to mock or to drool.

For many years, way too many years actually, the Kardashian family have been some of the big cover billers.   Stories about Kim and her weight, or her ass, or her fucking any dude with money for status.  Or Khloe and her weight, being the ugly sister, or possibly the product of an affair.  Bruce and his self hate for his penis, which makes sense since Kris made that thing a useless limb once she got more K spawn out of him.  No matter the story, and no matter how oversaturated the world was with them, Kardashian covers sold.

Well praise sweet little baby Jesus, because that is finally no longer the case!  Now, instead of making these companies any money, a bunch of trees just died for no reason other than to become piss and shit liners for cages that house rats, guinea pigs, and Rob Kardashian.  For example, turns out Us Weekly paid for Kanye’s new leather strap on girdle, and all they got in return was disappointment.  Which is really just fair, in my opinion.  Now we are even for all those hours I wasted on your shitty fake ass wedding, Kim!

“Sources say Jann Wenner paid $110,000 for a heavily retouched photo of Kim Kardashian in a white bikini, which he splashed on the Dec. 23 cover of Us Weekly under the headline, “My Body Is Back.”

But the glossy, which usually sells about a half million a week, sold fewer than 400,000 copies, an insider with access to circulation reports told me.”

Yea, see the problem here was anyone with eyes and the World Wide Web could see paparazzi shots of the less talented half of Kimye and see that the two bodies just do NOT match up.

Then there are those who actually blame Yeezus for the drop in popularity.   One publisher says that the King of Douchebaggery is ruining the Kardashian clan’s image.   Um, no.  The Kardashian clan is ruining the Kardashian clan image.

“I think it’s because Kanye West is so nasty and aggressive. People don’t like him,” the publisher said. “It’s rubbed off on Kim. It’s rubbed off on the whole family.”

Oh, always blaming someone else.  I think Kris used her lack of a gag reflex to her advantage her to get this guy to pin the issue on Kanye.  Or maybe Bruce has been practicing for his new life.

The only guy willing to get a littler closer to the truth is Marc Berman of TV Media Insights.

“It’s simple — overkill.  The Kardashians are everywhere. They never take a break.

E! should give them a break and take them off the air for a season.”

You’re getting warmer, Berman, but still missing the big giant X.  If he just would have stopped at “take them off the air,” I would be in total agreement.

Let’s make 2014 the best year yet by having no crazy end of the world freak outs and no more ugly Kim crying faces on any magazine spreads or televisions.   Someone get that shit started on Change.org.

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