Johnny Weir and his husband are giving me such a major case of the disappointments. After beginning what was shaping up to be the glitteriest bitch fest of a divorce ever, the two have decided to try and give their marriage another ol college try. Ugh, all that promise of ridiculousness just wasted.
Thankfully, they haven’t totally abandoned their drama, because they are starting off their reconciliation with a totally off the wall post nuptial agreement. Me thinks it may not be exactly smooth sailing from here on out.
So when Johnny Weir slapped his husband Victor Voronov with some SURPRISE DIVORCE! papers, it was the start of me finally having something interesting to write about that didn’t involve a Kardashian or Lindsay Lohan. It was great and exciting and full of bitch slaps and finger snaps. There were nasty digs thrown back and forth, “leaked” nude photos, a furbaby custody battle, and the cruelest act of all- a destroyed Birkin bag. I know, catch your breath.
Now, however, it is looking like they have decided to bury the proverbial bedazzled hatchet and try again to live harmoniously as husband and husband again. Which, after everything that has gone on these last few weeks, seems a bit unrealistic. But it seems they have a fool proof plan this time-a post nuptial agreement! Some of the rules these two will have to live by include the following no-nos:
— sex outside the marriage
— oral sex outside the marriage
— kissing or making out
— aggressive flirting
— mutual masturbation
— social media/grindr/dating
Why does this sound like something a pair of skanky high school kids would come up with? “No half naked bitches better be liking your Instagram selfies, or else we are OVER!”
There is also a clause in there that states ex-boyfriends/booty calls/happy ending givers are to be kept at a restraining order distance if requested by the other party. Oh man, doesn’t this whole thing just scream “trust” and “maturity?” I mean, if all marriages had these sort of clear cut over the top rules, the divorce rate would most definitely drop to almost nothing.
And to think, there are those that say the gays are ruining marriages. Psh. Obviously these two are showing that the gays are saving marriage.