John Stamos’ Pervy New Show Is Doomed

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john-stamos-1It was recently announced that everyone’s favorite Beach Boy, John Stamos, will host a new series in which celebrities are reunited with their first bang, cleverly called “Losing My Virginity With John Stamos.”

The concept for the show, which will debut next year on Yahoo, was developed as a result of John’s own unplanned reunion with his firstie, and the insightful, even inspiring, realization that everyone has a first time … and who wouldn’t want to share all the dirty details about it on the Internet for the world and their mom to see?

“For every actor, celebrity, musician and politician out there that we see, there’s somebody at home going, ‘I was their first.’”

Supposedly, John has lined up one “very big star” to participate in the show … in all likelihood, a star whose name rhymes with Bardashian, and by big, he means ass-wise … because there’s not a chance in hell that anyone above a generous D-list is going to agree to this. Only someone constitutionally prone to oversharing like a Kardashian or Jenny McCarthy or Ke$ha are probably the best he’ll get. And I’d watch that too, but there’s no one on earth who wouldn’t tune in to hear the raw story of Jennifer Lopez or Lawrence or Aniston or even Garner dropping their pennies.

The basic idea behind the show is borderline genius (especially if you’re a huge pervert or one of the back-home virginity-takers looking for your brief moment in the sun), but it’s clearly doomed … which is a shame because I have been hopelessly devoted to John every since he was Blackie on General Hospital (yes, I’m that old) and all I want is his success and happiness.

blackie

You are onto something, Johnny, but don’t stop short … a show in which a celeb is reunited with every lover they’ve ever had, This Is Your Life-style, would be even better. And best of all would be a proper celebrity agreeing to the virginity show, but then being surprised by the This-Is-Your-Sex-Life parade, ideally with compromising photos, etc. That, my friend, would be pure gold.

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