Ya know, I kind of like Joan Rivers. She’s bitchy, doesn’t give a crap, and usually makes me giggle because I too am kind of an asshole. She also hosts the Fashion Police which I secretly watch at 3 am when I can’t sleep. But everyone once in a while, she makes me kind of tilt my head and go “Really, Joan?”
This time, Rivers has decided to go after Lena Dunham, which in and of itself is totally okay in my book (I’ll say it, I think Girls is such a stupid freaking show). However, it wasn’t Dunham’s mediocre writing or her annoying banter that she attacked, instead it was her looks. Which, coming from a woman who looks like she let the drops out from week one of medical school work on her face, is pretty ballsy in a very hypocritical way. Joan Rivers was on the Howard Stern Show, so of course you expected there to be a ton of shit talking. It’s kind of what both people are known for. While chatting, somehow Stern and Rivers got to talking about fashion because apparently, hosting a show mocking celebrities who look like ten pounds of ass sausage stuffed in a five pound casing makes you an expert on clothes. By the same token, I am also now an expert on being rich and famous. So during this chat, Rivers started talking about Lena Dunham. Seems Joan is not a fan of Dunham, but not because she doesn’t think Lena is funny. Nope, apparently Rivers is offended that Dunham dares to show her kneecaps because they are a little chunky.
“Lena Dunham, who I think is again terrific, how can she wear dresses above the knee?”
Haha, I like how Joan tries to soften the blow by using a “no offense, but…..” type of opener. Stern called Joan out for missing the point.
“Well, I think the thing we love about her is that she doesn’t give a shit … She did a whole [Girls] episode in a bikini. It was the funniest fucking thing I ever saw.”
Stern’s co-host Robin Quivers agreed also, pointing out that that’s what Dunham is going for- you don’t have to have a traditional bikini body to wear a bikini. But Rivers refused to back down, instead making the leap that what Lena’s is actually doing is encouraging the world to become prime candidates for future Biggest Loser season.
“But that’s wrong. You’re sending a message out to people saying ‘it’s okay! Stay fat! Get diabetes. Everybody die. Lose your fingers.’”
Uh, yea I may not find Lena Dunham all that funny, but Joan is so off the mark with this shit. First off, Dunham isn’t even fat, let alone at a point where she is going to start losing digits due to diabetes. She is just different than most Hollywood actresses, and more like the majority of the rest of the world. Her thighs touch, her tits are real so they need a bra to hold them up, and when she walks around her tummy jiggles a bit. None of that equates as unhealthy or ugly. Joan again tries to make it seem like River isn’t being mean by pointing out that she thinks Lena is amusing and talented. She just also doesn’t want to see her naked and thinks she’s a bad example.
“If you look the way you look, Lena, and that’s fine and you’re funny, don’t say it’s OK that other girls can look like this … Try to look better.”
Because instead girls should be looking at Joan as a source of beauty inspiration? A woman who has had such terrible plastic surgery that she resembles those Barbies that Sid melted and fucked up in Toy Story? Sometimes I get really nervous for her when she’s on red carpets in the summer that her nose will just slowly fall right off in the heat. Get all melty like the Wicked Witch of the West. These are the risks you run when you are 85% made up of recycled plastic parts and lead paint.
Hopefully Lena Dunham remembers that when it comes to stuff she should never listen to Joan Rivers about, appearance and beauty top the list.