Jessie J was one of the big winners at the MoBO Awards in Glasgow, winning in four of the five categories she was nominated in and leaving music industry insiders asking “Who will win next year when everyone’s forgotten about Jessie J?”
Of course, hecklerspray would have brought you a nice report of the whole evening and maybe some lovely little interviews with some of the rich gits who were nominated. However, the PR Company for the ceremony (who will remain nameless for the simple reason that we can’t be bothered to go and look up their name) decided that you, the readers of hecklerspray, weren’t worthy of getting any first hand reports.
Hence the reason this report is full of wild conjecture and rude words. Blame the MoBOs; not us.
Anyway, back to Jessie J and all those pointless awards that she won. The Price Tag singer won “Best UK Act”, “Best Newcomer” (because apparently you can win both), “Best Song” for ‘Do It Like A Dude’ and, as if all that didn’t quite add up to four, “Best Album” for ‘Who You Are’. Unfortunately for Miss J, she missed out on the “Best Video” award, with that dubious accolade going to Tinchy Stryder and N-Dubz “hard man” Dappy for their track ‘Spaceship’.
Adele won “Best Tax Evasion Tactic”, Rihanna took the “Best Arse Before The Watershed” gong, while Tinie Tempah went home the “Best Commercialised Nonsense” award. He also went home with more than he bargained for when an obsessive fan threw an empty kettle, emblazoned with the words “Tempah 4Eva”, at him. That might not have happened.
We have no way of knowing as we weren’t there.
Warbler Adele, Hungry Hungry Tempah and Wretch 32 (who we’ve never even heard of) were each shortlisted for four awards at the show hosted by well-known charisma vacuums Jason Derulo and Alesha Dixon.
Kanya King, founder of MoBO, said:
“Blah blah blah blah blah Mobo roll of honour blah blah blah Adele, blah blah UK’s hot blah blah blah Tinchy Stryder and of course the bloody woeful Jessie J walking away with four awards, despite not actually winning any. The thieving charlatan.”
Elsewhere in the awards to end all awards, American R&B group Boyz II Men were awarded a prize for an outstanding contribution to music. Which, we imagine, is just what they’ve always wanted. To be recognised by some po-faced awards ceremony which has all the entertainment value of being repeatedly beaten around the head with a pirated DVD copy of the Footloose remake.
Still, at least they got to go. We can’t wait until next year to find out who the ‘new Jessie J’ is.
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