Jessica Simpson broke a cardinal rule of dating – never ask a guy to indulge in dress up or any other kind of kinky role play outside of the bedroom.
Worse still, never talk about your bizarre and rather scary sexual peccadilloes in front of his mates.
Jessica is now a single lady. A lady who has been photographed by her local gym getting her sexy back, rather than doing as even her own fans were expecting – and burying herself in mountain of sugary treats. The singer broke up with her sports star boyfriend Tony Romo on July 9, ending a two-year relationship. By all accounts, she also ended two years of crazy-ass-ness and clingy behaviour.
There are several things that are going to push even the nicest guy to the edge. Pinching his cheeks and calling him by his pet name anywhere outside of the confines of whichever room of the house is used for nooky. Being clingy, needy and not letting him have any breathing room. Oh, and the final straw that broke this celebrity camel’s back – asking your adult partner to dress as the Ken to your 29-year-old Barbie for an upcoming birthday party. A party attended by any other people with two working eyes.
A source delighted in telling American tabloid The National Enquirer about what an awful human being Jessica is – just because she is in some form of arrested development. She’s a cutie. A rich cutie at that. She’s spent nearly half of her life as a working recording artist. So, the thought occurs that no one around her is going to bite the hand that feeds them and point out her cerebral shortcomings.
For example, this weekend, the singer Twittered “Is ‘asks’ even a word? If not, sorry 4 my layziness with grammar.” Yes. Wow. But seriously, how many people do you think would have bothered twittering back to correct her. If they could Twitter her a crash helmet to make sure she wouldn’t fall and hurt herself, I’m quite sure they would have. 140 characters of encouragement and cuddles is probably all she got after that gem.
The Barbie party she twittered about on July 12th never happened. She said in a message “barbie party didn’t happen, but i turned 29 and feel like i am on top of the world yelling I LOVE GETTING OLDER”.
Yes, this is a woman who has achieved many things in life. Except a circle of people around her who will be so kind as to alert her to the flaws in her Barbie pink plans.
?Jessica, a supposedly mature 29-year-old woman, kept flitting around her Dallas Cowboys super-jock squealing like a little girl, saying, ?It'll be so much fun, honey. All my friends are coming, and we?ll all be dressed up like dolls. And you\’ll be my ken!?? a source told American tabloid the National Enquirer.
A bit of friendly advice, from one clueless woman wondering through the world with her blinkers on to another: A man with all of his grey matter is not going to be happy about this. His friends will mock him until the end of time. Judgement Day and the Terminators will come, not even Christian Bale will be able to save us by punching them all in the face… and his mates will still be ribbing him about the time his Mrs. made him don a wig and primary-coloured basics.
?Jess totally missed what any woman with half a brain could see ? Tony was rolling his eyes like he desperately wanted timeout. There was no way Tony was going to dress up like a Ken doll. He never would have lived it down. His teammates would have roasted him to death.”
This was a guest blog by the wonderful Amy Grindhouse
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