White cliffs of Dover-haired, auto-tune fiends John and Edward have taken the time to point out the cripplingly obvious fact they must be celibate. ‘Jedward’ who, until recently, were conjoined twins connected by the vocal chords have stated in an interview?that they have taken a vow of celibacy.
Members of their female fan base, the twins revealed their desire to keep their pale cocks in their pants in an interview with GT magazine. The Irish twins insisted that they won’t be taking advantage of their groupies because sex is strictly off limits; clearly ignoring the fact that most of their fans are too young to give a good porking to in the first instance.
The pair were said to have taken their vow in front of their proud parents and a presumably furiously masturbating Louis Walsh who managed to turn toward an intern just at the moment of orgasm, otherwise that couple of seconds would probably have been the focus of the news story.
The pair said, in the disturbing unison of The Shining twins:
‘We know all these girls but we can’t go out with them because it’d be a huge press story,’
It’s true. Anyone who is willing to insult Jedward musically should look to themselves and realise that Jedward have no time to practice singing or not coming across as having horrific brain injuries on Twitter as they devote all their time to getting to know their fans personally. That’s commendable, even by us.
The dynamic duo (named for their resemblance to the high-camp of 1966’s Batman film) also told GT that they don’t even mind if this raises speculation about their sexuality…
‘It happened to Justin Timberlake, Justin Bieber, the Jonas Brothers,’ they point out.
‘You’ve got to realise what comes with being in the public eye.
‘We don’t mind if people call us gay; it’s not a big deal. We like girls.’
That’s fine. What did you expect us to say? Oh, right. You were expecting us to laugh at them and imply that they enjoy the company of young men or Louis Walsh, weren’t you? Of course not. That’s insanity. What the boys and their esteemed interviewer have clearly not understood is that it is abstinence which means that you won’t engage in the sexual touch of any other (or yourself, depending on how self-flagellating?you are) while celibacy in its traditional sense means that one is refraining from marriage.
Given how rehearsed most interviews in the celebrity world are, we would imagine that Jedward’s publicity people knew exactly what they meant. Thank god they have a fall back for when the ‘JEDWARD IN HORSE ORGY’ story breaks on hecklerspray in a few months.
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