Americans just love their late night TV talk shows. It’s huge over there: even bigger? than apple pie, white picket fences and an incomprehensible urge to waggle their willy at underdeveloped Middle Eastern countries.
Which means the reports that one of the shows’ hosts might be quitting because another one wants his old job back are completely overshadowing the rest of the world’s news (you know: earthquake kills hundreds in Haiti, a man with implausibly white teeth won’t be presenting his talent contest next year, yadda yadda yadda).
Read on to find out how this battle of the wills (and chins) may play out.
Yes, the Americans are obsessed with these talk shows. More specifically: their hosts. And these are turbulent times for those televisual colossi.
We reported several days ago that Jay Leno – a man whose first ever job was renting out his chin for use as an ironing board by poor local housewives – wanted his ruddy show back thank you very much from the young pretender, Conan O’Brien. Leno had last year given up the show to O’Brien, taking himself and his improbable chin to a slot earlier in the evening.
Yesterday Conan hit back, telling executives at NBC that there was no way he was going to move his show again: he’d won it fair and square from Leno (whose second ever job was providing his chin to the military for use as a runway for B52 bombers). Here’s the story from O’Brien’s side:
Last Thursday, NBC executives told me they intended to move the Tonight Show to 12:05 to accommodate the Jay Leno Show at 11:35…I sincerely believe that delaying the Tonight Show into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. The Tonight Show at 12:05 simply isn't the Tonight Show.
Wow. Things are getting extremely passive-aggressive over there. Before you know it they’ll be leaving each other notes on the fridge door in the NBC kitchen. “Would whoever happened to mistakenly remove my time slot please return it to it to where they found it. Thank you so much.”
There can be only one winner in all this: David Letterman. His show on a rival network will by default become the only place where people who can’t sleep can watch celebrities they don’t like talking about a film they won’t see.
Whichever way it goes, Jay Leno won’t be worried. If the whole TV host thing ended tomorrow, he could always go back to his third ever job (using his chin as a sturdy bridge for people wishing to drive from England to Jersey).
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