Lisping schmindie horror bag Jamie Oliver is cooking up a stinker of a stew in Hollywood USA.
The twitching grapevine tells of A-list celebritards falling to the floor and crying their pathetic eyeballs dry. hecklerspray has discovered that Jamie Oliver – the mother-pukka of a chef – has decided to cook for the impending nuptials of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Of course, it’s not the soon-to-be divorced couple who are throwing up their guts but – alas – poor old Jennifer Aniston.
Of all the things causing heartache and despair to Jennifer Aniston – Angelina Jolie’s pregnancy by Brad Pitt, her chronic inability to make a decent film, stuff like that – we weren’t really expecting fat-mouthed pretend cockney Jamie Oliver (Books), a man who is basically famous for being able to cook dinner, to be high up on the list. But we were wrong. A source told The Mirror:
"Jennifer considered Jamie to be a friend so when she saw pictures of
him having a cosy dinner with Brad in London this week, she was
surprised. Then she was told that the
subject of Brad’s wedding came up. She heard that Jamie was keen to get
involved in cooking up a feast for the guests so it’s natural that
she’d find that hurtful."
The ever whining Aniston, real name Jennifer Linn Anastassakis (no,
really) has done nothing to further her tough guy, Man Of The Year image by continually
parping on about Brad Pitt’s coming and goings. Recently, she hasn’t been
quoted as saying:
“Brad only got into acting because of me. When I met
him he wandering around LA wearing nothing but a Bernie Clifton Ostrich
suit. I made him who he was. Now look! He’s mucking about with some
foreign sort! I’m off for some gin, a pasty and a cry…”
It is widely presumed that Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston befriended the infuriating TV
chef after watching the wonky camera antics of his series The Naked
Chef. Jamie and his simpering wife were flown to Tinsel Town as guests
of honour at Pitt’s 40th birthday party.
At the time, Pitt wasn’t quoted as saying:
“Initially, the party was going
to be an all star affair. We tried to invite Buffy (The Vampire
Slayer), but ended up with a buffet instead. It would have been a
disaster. Imagine Johnny Depp being faced with pickles on a stick! Or
David Blaine marvelling at the real magic of how they get that really
long egg down the middle of a gala pie! It would be folly! That’s how
Jamie became involved. He wowed us on his TV programme whilst making a
sandwich that looked like Ian Botham fighting with Geoff Capes. There
was only one choice.”
The publicity shy Oliver was reluctant to commit, but relented by
revealing that he had received a call from Pitt’s people:
"We got a
phone call saying, ‘We’ll give a donation to the Fifteen charity if you
come and do Brad Pitt’s birthday.’ We thought someone was having a
laugh but it turned out to be the real deal."
This how Jamie Oliver became embroiled in the ‘greatest love story ever
told’. Obviously, Jolie has joined the Jamie fan club too. However, the taste that Oliver is leaving in Aniston’s
mouth is decidedly sour. Our source (ie, Someone who has probably never really
met her) said:
"Jen had just been getting things back on track when she
found out about Angelina’s pregnancy. That was obviously devastating
and now seeing people choose Brad’s friendship over hers isn’t helping."
Obviously, we couldn’t get hold of any of the celebrities at the time
of press, but it is understood that Pitt is stocking up on Jamie Oliver
books to throw at pathetic ex-girlfriends, whilst Jennifer is understood to be moving to Barnsley in symbolic gesture to
show off her love for anything to do with any form of pit(t).
Read more:
Aniston feels betrayed by Jamie Oliver – Digital Spy
[story by Mof Gimmers]