Presenter, pertrolhead, slipper wearer, tall chap and all round good egg James May has been hospitalised after a severe head injury while filming for Top Gear’s Christmas Special.
The floppy haired one took a tumble while filming Top Gear’s attempt to drive from Baghdad to Bethlehem, presumably an exploding caravan was involved, or an expensive supercar, or something phenomenally fast.? Or maybe just a bit of rope.
Yes, we’ve checked. It was a bit of rope.
The flowery shirted gent was rushed to hospital, given a brain scan, put on a drip and given stitches because he tripped over a rope.
No, wait, we’ve checked that too.? The rope attacked him, and had an accomplice rock.? Captain Slow was involved in some kind of towing manoeuver, attempting to free a car only to find himself becoming a human projectile;
“I stood in the line of where the tow rope went taut. I told the driver to move off and became part of a giant catapult.”
There are pictures out there of this wipeout.? But they do look as though May is pulling a truck up a hill using nothing but a very long foreskin. On Mars. Which would just be silly.
Of course, this isn’t the first time this sort of thing has happened to a Top Gear presenter. Injuries, not using genitals to hoist vehicles on other planets, that is.
Remember Richard Hammond’s spectacular, skull busting crash in a 300mph jet car? You do? Good, because he doesn’t.? His brain fell out.
We’re not even going to bother checking that.? The point it May’s injuries were tiny in comparison.? Hammond’s injuries were devastating.? May’s were, well, less impressive;
“There was a lot of blood. It was all very worrying.”
But he still went to hospital, just to be safe.? And make sure his brain hadn’t fallen out;
“They gave me a brain scan, but to be honest I think the Syrians were just excited to be able to use their new scanner.”
May was jolly brave about it all and even had enough manners left to not cause a scene, after all his chums have had worse.? Hey what;
?I don’t want to pretend I had an accident as bad as Hammond. He bashed his head on the whole of Yorkshire. I just hit mine on a stone.”
So there you have it.? If you are a moderately famous Englishman with a taste for hideous shirts, constant references to “giving Jerry a good licking” and silly hair; go to Baghdad.? Apparently it’s perfectly safe as long as you don’t go near ropes.
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