Basically, Bachelor Pad is ABC?s continued attempt at kicking the proverbial reality TV show horse while it's down. This spin-off from The Bachelor and Bachelorette brings back former (rejected) contestants to compete for the chance to win half a million dollars or, if cupid strikes, find true lurrrve. These are the cr?me de la cr?me of castoffs, and they're ready to take back what's theirs.
A big twist for the current season is a few fans have been brought on board to add a little drama to the mix. These people are hardcore and can't wait to get their greasy paws on these losers. But boy does it stroke the already burgeoning egos of the seasoned vets when the fans cream their pants every time they're near them.
Let me give you a rundown on how to act like one of these wannabes:
– Have outrageous delusions of fame. For whatever reason, you believe that you are a celebrity. These ?fans? that get to be on this season are mere peasants, wishing they could bathe in your heavenly light. They should be fanning you with palm fronds while feeding you grapes perfectly ripened in the California sunshine. You are royalty and everybody had better bow down before you.
– If you're a girl, be looking for ?a real connection.? You know there's a lot at stake here and half a million dollars is, like, so much money. But?the heart wants what the heart wants. There are just too many cute boyz here to worry about money right now. The chemistry is just so there and he says that he could really see a future with you. You go gurl! Give it up like it's prom night!
– If you're a guy, just be there ?to win the game,? while getting laid along the way. You?ll do whatever it takes to be victorious. Yeah, these women are hot but you know you have to do what you have to do. If this means?getting it on?with two girls in one night, then so be it. Life is hard, but somebody has to do it.
– Make sure you didn't get enough attention as a child. This means you need to be as obnoxious as humanly possible. Annoy the shit out of every viewer of this show. Make the audience at home hate you. It's all part of the process.
– Cry constantly. Nothing is ever going your way and everyone is just so mean to you. What did you ever do to them?! Why did he hook up with you if he doesn't love you?? Why is everything so confusing? This is mostly true of the female contestants, but it isn't unusual to see a guy shed a tear or two when something doesn't go as planned.
– Prepare to suck face. According to Bachelor Pad sociology, a group of young adults + hot tub + these really cool outdoor seating areas = make-out central. We at home can't really tell what goes on behind closed doors, but if the night vision bedroom camera shots are any indication, there’s a whole lotta hanky panky going on. Don’t be shy. All eyes on you. Own it.
And there you have it. Easy enough, right? Now go make us all proud.