In an event that could have caused the spontaneous combustion of Manhattan due to an overload of sloppy tuna vag, Lindsay Lohan and Miley Cyrus ran into each other at a club Saturday night.
As soon as Lindsay noticed the currently more relevant former Disney starlet, she crawled over tables like that bitch from “The Ring” to get close to Miley. Instead of blowing Lohan off, Cyrus decided to embrace the insane ginger and become besties.
The two left the club together as the sun was about to rise, which was the only saving grace from this encounter. Because no one wants to see what those two look like in the daylight after a night of partying.
Miley Cyrus was in New York City this weekend to do a cameo on Saturday Night Live, because we just haven’t seen enough of Miley on our television screens, and of course couldn’t pass up the chance to do some totally illegal underage partying in some Molly friendly clubs.
She was there with EJ Johnson, the way more stylish son of former NBA star Magic Johnson, and Andrew Warren, some dude who doesn’t matter to use but boosts Miley’s ego enough to hang onto her coat tails.
Lindsay was also in the club because there is no place better for a ‘recovering’ addict than a bar! I mean, Lohan has proved time and time again how committed she is to her sobriety by surrounding herself with booze, drug addicts, an entire classroom of kids diagnosed with ADHD… She has actually managed to stay relatively on the down low the last few weeks since returning from her 6th attempt at rehab, so we all knew she’d do something side eye worthy soon enough.
When Lindsay rolled up to the club at 4 am (which is totally what sober people do) she very quickly saw Miley. Cyrus, who is hard to miss between her reflective skin and stupid fucking tongue that hates being held captive by a mouth, was very friendly to Lohan.
The two immediately started whispering and giggling, which is a bad fucking sign when you think about who these two are and what they do. Some sources say they made multiple bathroom trips, which must be because of small bladders and not so they could do lines of coke off each other’s breasts.
After hanging out for a little while, the two poster children for “Never let your kids into showbiz” decided to leave the club together at about 5 am. They went out a back exit to avoid paparazzi, which had to be Lohan’s idea and not Cyrus’.
Ten bucks it was because Lindsay didn’t want everyone to see her enlarged pupils and see her orange streaked legs stumble about. We can only imagine what they decided to do then. All the smart decisions occur at 5 am.
Really, all the they need to do is add Amanda Bynes into their group and it would be the ultimate hot mess trifecta.