This week we’ve decided to ignore you mere mortals and focus all our energy on those who are more deserving. That’s right, we’re picking on those miserable celebrities this week as it’s pretty much what we live for anyway.
Read on and see if you can work out who we’re talking about.
It isn’t remotely difficult.
Aries (Mar 21-Apr 20)
During an award ceremony you tell Hollywood that it should forgive Mel Gibson for being an angry, anti-Semitic, abusive bore-bag. ?Everyone claps and feels uncomfortable. Nice suit though.
Taurus (Apr 21-May 21)
You give fashion advice to Ryan Gosling and every female under the age of dead makes this noise, “Pfft.”
Gemini (May 22-Jun 22)
You decide to take your family to Butlins, proving that you are indeed the King of the Chavs with a stupid name.
Cancer (Jun 23-Jul 23)
This week a judge decides whether to throw you back in prison for being a?thieving?whiny brat and violating your?probation. ?You care less than we do.
Leo (Jul 24-Aug 23)
You’re spotted in LA having ‘fun’ with Bradley Cooper but then again who hasn’t been? Even we have.
Virgo (Aug 24-Sep 23)
Your new music video causes quite a stir, especially with hecklerspray editor Mof Gimmers. We say stir, it’s probably more of a stroking action.
Libra (Sep 24-Oct 23)
You call Pope Benedict a Nazi at a U.S. Film Festival and although people complain, no-one actually disagrees. ?We fall madly in love with you all over again and drive ourselves off a cliff in celebration.
Scorpio (Oct 24-Nov 22)
You renew your wedding vows and ask Peter Andre to sing. ?Your wife willingly dances to ‘Mysterious?Girl’. ?No-one ever takes you seriously again.
Sagittarius (Nov 23-Dec 21)
Kelly Osbourne calls you fat because you once called her fat. This goes on until the end of time, resulting in a huge bun fight where, quite frankly everyone’s a winner.
Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 20)
This week you tell everyone that you’d never do a reality show like those idiots Katie and Peter…before announcing that you’re going to be doing a reality show all about why you decided to become Lou Ferrigno.
Aquarius (Jan 21-Feb 19)
You attend a bash for former president Bill Clinton but without your wife. ?You’re in good company however as he didn’t have sexual relations with another woman either. ?Oh wait…
Pisces (Feb 20-Mar 20)
David Schwimmer asks you to sing when he renews his wedding vows. ?You’re as stunned as everyone else.
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