Hairdresser Steals Kevin Costner’s Laptop

Waterworld ’star’ Kevin Costner has been in a spot of bother with his barnet-fixer.

Pascal Bensimon - an ‘upmarket hairstylist‘ (which means that he charges roughly three-hundred times the cash for the same haircut you could get by popping into ‘Dave’s World Of Clippers’) - has been charged with nicking Costner’s laptop.

Costner was apparently very upset about the whole thing - the laptop contained private photos of his wedding, various personal documents and an alternative Bodyguard screenplay which ends with him firing a round of bullets into Whitney Houston’s stupid mewling face.

Note - one of the above is a lie. And if you need any help working that out, might we suggest that you lay off the wacky cigarettes for the afternoon?

Bizarrely - after a fruitless 14-month investigation, no less - it’s being reported that Bensimon ’surrendered’ to police officials in Colorado. hecklerspray is struggling to imagine the scene…

"Okay, Pascal! Come out with your hands up! We know for a fact that laptop contains the unedited seventeen-hour version of The Postman, and - if that gets into the hands of Al-Qaeda - they could develop a special ‘boredom-bomb’ within the space of a week! Oh, and we really want to see Kev’s hairy Hollywood arse bobbing up and down in those honeymoon photos too."

Interestingly enough - much more interesting, in fact, than anything Kevin Costner (DVDs) has made within the last fifteen years (okay, okay, so Open Range was alright) - Bensimon denies stealing the laptop, insisting instead that someone "put drugs in his drink" at Costner’s wedding.

What does all of this mean? hecklerspray has no idea. But - what with the endless scope for cheap, slightly unreasonable Kevin Costner jokes this whole thing provides - you can rest assured we’ll be covering this story for as long as it continues.

God bless you, celebrity laptop thieves. You make our lives so much easier.

Read more:

Hairdresser Charged With Stealing Star’s Laptop - Breaking News

[story by C J Davies]