It's happened before and it will happen again ? stories that are simply too good, that write themselves and just don't need any additional comment to make them funny.
Obviously that won't stop us from commenting on them, as we're nice like that.
This week came the particularly special news that ex-Beatle-ex and hecklerspray mainstay Heather Mills was asked to appear in the Capcom game Bionic Commando.
For those not clued-in, Bionic Commando is a remake of a 22?year-old game about a bloke with a robotic arm who goes around swinging from things using a built-in extendo grappling hand and shooting bad bastards to save the world.
It's easy to see why they approached Heather Mills. The similarities are… errm… yeah. Though there is a chance that neither of them can jump.
After The Sun reported the story last week, it wasn?t long before Heather responded in her trademark level-headed fashion through the godsend for celebrity reportage that is Twitter:
?Got offered to promote an amputee bionic computer game, from a wealthy computer games company I said if you donate a large sum to charity. The stingy company came back saying they couldn't, what happened to charitable businesses, seems they just want to exploit and give nothing?
Ah, another one of Heather Mills? trademark personality traits ? selfless generosity. A charity campaigner she may be, but that's a charity campaigner with quite a cushy lifestyle thanks in no small part to an astonishing divorce settlement and many questions surrounding how many of her claimed donations she has actually made.
But back to the news ? let's try and analyse how the thinking behind this went.
She has a false leg.
That's about it.
What that means is she isn't really the kind of ?bionic? Capcom were looking for. One is a ridiculously over-the-top money grabbing ploy, harking back to a past it cannot hope to recreate and involving some ludicrous false body parts.
The other is Bionic Commando.
Now whoever didn't see that joke coming can just leave. Forever. Even if we did just refer to Heather Mills as a ?ploy?.
And this is all without even mentioning the bit about how Mills now wants a game made where you can ?shock the privates? of The Sun journalists. Bit harsh, love ? we can be good people.
Elsewhere this week in News Making Us Go ?Eh?? ? it was reported, though swiftly retracted, that Bill Clinton had been approached to appear in professional time-stealing title Fallout 3. Who was big Willy set to play? Why, the President of the United States, of course.
It may have turned out to be a half-truth, but it still made us giggle a fair amount.
And it would have been a billion times better than any game with Heather Mills in it.
THIS WEEK: We were both annoyed and delighted by the news that Demon?s Souls is to be brought to the US, meaning it's surely only a matter of time before it gets a proper release in Europe. Obviously this is brilliant, but why did they wait until two months after someone had forked out ?48 for a copy to break the news? Arse.
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