Groan of the Week: Another Kardashian is En Route


One of these days, I’ll stop solely writing about the Kardashians; however, today is not that day. I’m absolutely thrilled to announce (imagine me saying that in a monotone, indifferent voice) that Kourtney Kardashian (the one who posts the least amount of selfies on Instagram) and her long time bf, Scott Disick (the dude “American Psycho” is based on, right?) are having their THIRD baby.

To the surprise of no one, I keep up with “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” and, as far as I can tell, Kourtney only ever has sex with Scott anymore if she thinks it will lead to a baby (probably why Scott is such an angry alcoholic. What’s the point of dating a Kardashian if you’re not fucking them?). So I guess Scott decided that if having a kid would break his two year dry spell, he was into it.

Back in 2012, Kourtney blabbed about how she was over taking birth control and was prepared to have more babies if having two went ok:

I need to see what it’s like when I have two, but [having kids] is what life is about. I’m not going on the pill. I don’t believe in it anymore!

Realistically, I’m happy for Kourtney. She’s the sister that avoids the spotlight the most, doesn’t seem totally into herself, and (unlike Kim) seems to be really into her kids. I mean, you rarely see her without at least one of her kids in tow, whereas North West only makes one strictly business related public appearance with Kim a month. And even then it’s not like fun alone time with mom at the beach, it’s going to visit someone famous in the fashion world so Kim can Instagram a picture of her baby with someone really classy and fancy.


The only thing that really shocks me about all this shit is that Kris allowed Kourtney to announce her pregnancy so soon after Kim’s wedding. This is KIM’S MOMENT! Then again, I don’t really think it’s a coincidence that Kourtney announced her pregnancy the moment Kim got back from her honeymoon.

Kim had her month in May because it was wedding central. Kourtney will take June with her new pregnancy. In July, Khloe will do an UsWeekly exclusive (featuring a heavily photoshopped cover) about how she’s lost 20lbs and finally found love after Lamar with French Montana. In August, Kendall will land a modeling contract with some big name fashion label, and in September Kylie will release a child porno tape with Jaden Smith.

I see you, Kris Jenner, I get what’s up.