George Clooney is a pretty awesome dude.? He is a fan of practical jokes, he donates a lot of time and money to multiple charities and causes, and he brought sexy back to grey hair.? He doesn’t seem to take himself too seriously, which in a world full of pretentious jackasses is really refreshing.
In the December issue of Esquire, Clooney shows everyone once again how fantastic he is.? He manages you make you make you laugh and has no problem calling out some of Hollywood’s most elite on their bullshit, which is just hysterical.
Not many would have probably thought that a guy who got his first big break on The Facts of Life as the hunky handyman would one day be a critically acclaimed actor and director.? Sure, he has had some major stumbles along the way (I am looking at you, Batman and Robin), but Clooney has managed to become a respected actor who has totally brought sexy back to the AARP generation.? Meow.
Some of the best parts of Clooney’s interview are the stories he tells where he talks shit about fellow actors.? He tells one about pompous bloated Russell Crowe being a total dick and then trying to pull the “that’s so not what I meant!” card.
He picked a fight with me. He started it for no reason at all. He put out this? thing saying, ?George Clooney, Harrison Ford, and Robert De Niro are sellouts.?? And I put out a statement saying, ?He's probably right. And I'm glad he told us,? ?cause Bob and Harrison and I were also thinking about starting a band, which?would also fall under the heading of bad use of celebrity.? And that's when he really went off on me. ?Who the fuck does this guy think he is? He's a Frank? Sinatra wannabe.? He really went after me. And so I sent him a note going,? ?Dude, the only people who succeed when two famous people are fighting? is?People?magazine. What the fuck is wrong with you??
I love the way Clooney just calls Robert De Niro “Bob” like he’s just some regular guy who works at an auto body shop or something.? But I also love the way he act like he doesn’t know what the fuck is wrong with Crowe.? There are a ton of things wrong with Crowe!? I am sure at the time he made his comments, it had been a few hours since Crowe had a Big Mac (or 3) and so he really shouldn’t be held accountable for what he said.? But Crowe knows when needs to eat crow (da dum chi!) and he made sure to try and bury the hatchet when he realized Clooney was becoming the?man, cause no one wants the currently “It” guy pissed at you.
?But then I had a year. Then I had?Syriana?and?Good? Night, and Good Luck,?and he was gonna see me at the Golden Globes? ?cause he was nominated for?Cinderella Man.?So he sends me a disc of his music and a thing of his poetry. I think he said, ?I was all?misquoted,? and I was like, ?Yeah, yeah. Whatever.? I did take it with me to the BAFTAs, but I didn't win. I might have used it if I had won. I was nominated for four!?
Nominated for four, winner of none.? Poor George had to go home to his mansion, surrounded by young beauties, and swim in his bathtub made of gold with no awards.? But it’s okay, don’t feel too bad for Clooney, I think he’s doing all right.
George also shares a story about Leonardo DiCaprio and?his posse of “yes men.”? DiCaprio decided to talk up his game a little bit to Clooney, and challenge him to a little basketball.? And then old man George and his boys kicked Jack’s ass.
?You know, I can play,? Clooney says in his living room. ?I'm not great, by any? means, but I played high school basketball, and I know I can play. I also know? that you don't talk shit unless you?can?play. And the thing? about playing Leo is you have all these guys talking shit. We get there, and there's this guy,?Danny A?I think his name is. Danny A is? this club kid from New York. And he comes up to me and says, ?We played once at Chelsea Piers. I kicked your?ass.? I said, ?I've only played at?Chelsea Piers once in my life and ran the table. So if we played, you didn't? kick anybody?s ass.? And so then we're watching them warm up, and they're doing this weave around the court, and one of the guys I play with says, ?You know? we're going to kill these guys, right?? Because they can't play?at?all.?we're all like fifty years old, and we beat them three straight:? 11?0, 11?0, 11?0. And the discrepancy between their game and how they talked? about their game made me think of how important it is to have someone in your? life to tell you what's what. I'm not sure if Leo has someone like that.?
Again, I am sure Leo is totally okay after getting his ass handed to him in basketball.? The dude has saggy man boobs and a soft midsection and yet he has more models on him than a free bottle of Adderral.? Besides, these same models probably convinced Leo that he and his friends purposely lost the game so they wouldn’t make Clooney look bad.
Of course, Clooney can’t do a whole interview without talking about his favorite butt buddy Brad Pitt and how?awesome he is.?? He gives Pitt kudos for not having a Twitter,?something he doesn’t understand why any famous person uses, and for Pitt’s dedication to the films?he is in.?? He doesn’t mention how Pitt supposedly smells like rotting road kill, or that his baby mama is bat shit crazy, but I guess Clooney leaves?sharing that kind of dirt to celebs he doesn’t go yachting with.
Clooney?did share how he fucks with other famous people?by?making up fake letterheads that appear to be from Brad, and sending funny?messed up stuff to them.? Like the time he sent a note and book about acting?to the incredible Meryl Streep, ?and suggested she use it to help her with her accents as he did to help him in Troy (which suckeddddd).? Or the time Clooney sent Don Cheadle a letter as Pitt claiming Pitt scored the rights to a movie on Miles Davis, Cheadles dream acting role, and asked him to be a part of it.? As Charlie Parker, a fellow musician friend of Davis.
I wonder if he ever sent one to Jennifer Aniston….