Everyone’s favourite gang member, Gary Glitter, is to be released later this month, much to the delight of… seemingly no one.
If you’ve wanted to be in his gang for the last three years, but have been wondering what in the blue hell has been going on – fret not! For Gary Glitter is going to be released from the Vietnamese prison where he has been held since 2005 on child molestation charges.
Mark the August 19 in your diaries, devout fans and potential lynchmobs!
But what’s going to happen to Glitter – real name Paul Francis Gadd – on his release? Will he be able to survive in the real world without the benefits of correctional facility-based hospitals? Or will he mount a very public campaign where he continues to profess his innocence, even when no one cares enough to listen to him? Only time will tell.
Time that is, as well as an edition of People’s Police newspaper from this summer, where gangland Gary said he would continue work on an unfinished album once he was released. Yes, that’s right – Gary Glitter is aiming for chart success, mere years after being incarcerated on charges of child molestation. Some people just have no shame. And it won’t surprise hecklerspray to see that there are still fans of the weird-looking convicted kiddy-fiddler hanging around.
They’ll be the ones with a copy of his new album in one hand and their genitalia in the other, most likely.
Don’t let them in your homes or places of work – they smell quite bad. Plus, ignoring the dodgy aspects of their personalities, they’re also fans of Gary Glitter. Which should, frankly, be illegal itself.
Come August 19 we must unite as one people and keep on a constant lookout for freakish-haired old men with faces slightly like those of a troll skipping through our fair streets.
While we would never condone pre-judging someone or carrying out vigilante-ish justice, it’s probably in the best interests if the people of the world report any sightings of this convicted nonce to the nearest Skinhead Alliance, run by Barry “The Fist” McFist, offering detailed descriptions of his current position, movements and what speed he was travelling. They’ll handle the rest.
While hecklerspray wonders what gang we actually want to be in right now, seeing as we clearly don’t want to be in “my gang,” let’s take in what Chu Xuan Mau, an official from the prison Glitter is currently held, had to say:
“According to Vietnamese law, Glitter will be freed on August 19. The decision on his release will be read before him that day. It will be signed by the director of the prison.”
And, unfortunately, we can’t really argue with him – he holds the keys. Probably. Maybe figuratively more than literally, but you get the point.
Oh well – at least this means we can still legally makes jokes about Gary Glitter being into kids more than he should be. Better than most other celebrities, where we can’t even make half-hearted accusations. Bastards.