Oh no! The world’s coming to an end! First Oasis, the greatest band in the world ever split up and now the Gallagher brothers can’t even reunite to watch one of them swagger down the aisle with his beloved lass.
It’s a terrible world that we live in, folks but we’re just going to have to accept it.
The Beady Eye frontman – who has avoided his sibling since their group Oasis split in August 2009 following a series of explosive rows – insists he hasn’t been invited to tomorrow’s nuptials between the John Lennon’s failed clone and Sara MacDonald, in spite of Noel’s recent admission that he wanted the knuckle-dragging, droning ape to squeeze his hair-covered torso into a tuxedo and swing his way to the church.
When asked if he was attending the wedding, Liam told the Chicago Sun-Times newspaper:
“No, I’m busy playing gigs in Chicago.”
At that moment, buses in Chicago were said to have overturned as the population of the city breathed a heavy sigh of relief that they wouldn’t have to miss a performance by the critically acclaimed Beady Eye.
“He goes on about how he wasn’t invited to my wedding. No one was at my wedding but Nicole’s mum and my mum. Get over it, mate. I’ve not been invited to his wedding. I’ll be in Chicago.”
This is to imply that neither Noel nor err… the… other Appleton sister were invited to the wedding of Nicole and that guy from Planet of the Apes because the only important people in the world are them and their mothers. Isn’t that sweet? Apparently the surviving members of The Beatles were invited to both weddings but Ringo Starr was quoted as saying:
“Not on your life, I fucking hate Oasis. And stop calling me Ringo! How did you even get into my house?!”
During his bachelor party earlier this month, Noel admitted he wanted Liam to be at his wedding despite thinking of him as being an utter twonk.
“He is my brother. He is a tit but he’s my brother so I guess he should be there. Yeah, I would want him there.?Family is family on days like that and it would make a lot of people happy. But he’ll always be a complete twat.”
Touching, isn’t it? Once a twat, always a twat. Using that logic, it’s hard to understand why ‘The Brothers Grim’ don’t get on better.
The rockers’ mother Peggy is also keen for Liam and Noel to end their blood feud and believes the wedding is the perfect opportunity to do so. By fighting to the death in the arena of Mortal Kombat? Unfortunately not…
A source said recently:
“Unless he’s broken both his legs, Liam has been told he is going to watch his brother get married.”
Presumably watching his brother get married will involve belting out a rendition of Don’t Look Back In Anger at the reception karaoke with his back to the assembled crowd, shooting daggers at the top table.
Never mind! Look out your best circular sunglasses, give yourself a quick bowl cut, get your parka on and help hecklerspray celebrate this glorious reunion by throwing yourself off a bridge.