From Ho-biz to Showbiz: Celebs Who Wish We’d Forget Their Porn Pasts

jackie chan sweatyFriends, I have been to a strange and disturbing land. In this land, my eyes have seen things—terrible things. Things that have made my pupils scorch with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns.

Friends, I have seen Jackie Chan naked.

From Jackie to Sylvester Stallone to Cameron Diaz, there are a slew of celebrities whose first gigs were based in the complex industry that is pornography.

I have seen these celebrities, and I have returned, relatively unscathed (save the image of Sylvester Stallone’s dick forever burned in my mind). I am here to report my journey to you.

Let’s start with Jackie Chan. Jackie did an “adult comedy” called All in the Family back in 1975. It included a couple of sex scenes with Chinese porn star Linda Chu. In 2006, Chan admitted to his porn past.

“I had to do anything I could to make a living 31 years ago, but I don’t think it’s a big deal, even Marlon Brando used to be exposed in his movies,” Chan said. “The porn movie at that time was more conservative than the current films.”

True. But that doesn’t erase the image of your naked thighs from my brain.

Slyvester Stallone Kitty and Studs

Sylvester Stallone had his big break in 1970 in a film titled Party at Kitty and Stud’s. Spoiler alert—he’s “Stud.” I like to not vomit, so I haven’t seen this movie, but here’s a recap of it via Snopes:

 “At one point Kitty confides to one of her friends that Stud is ‘so far out’ and ‘animalistic.’ At another point Sly enjoins Kitty to ‘be careful! You bit me last time.’ Kitty replies, ‘I’ll be velvet-mouthed on your shank of love!’ before dissolving into an unscripted fit of giggles only partially concealed by burying her head on Stallone’s shank of love.”

Oh, and this is also worth mentioning:

“Far from being a stallion, Sly is actually a man of quite ordinary, even modest endowment.”

:(

In an interview with Playboy in 1978, Sly defended his pornographic roots:

“It was either do that movie or rob someone because I was at the end—at the very end—of my rope. Instead of doing something desperate, I worked two days for $200 and got myself out of the bus station.”

Porn or crime. Apparently, those were his only two options.

Cameron Diaz young

Cameron Diaz also took her clothes off for money. And not in an artsy, “it was necessary for the storyline” sort of way. Because the storyline in Cameron’s shoot was basically how to wear leather with your exposed bazongas hanging out.

Cameron did this S&M photo shoot in the 90s, and there’s video proof (NSFW). The highlight is her spraying something onto her nipples and then saying, “woah, look at ‘em. Look how big they got!”

arnold schwarzenegger o face

In the 1970s, Arnold Schwarzenegger took a series of nude photographs for After Dark, a borderline pornographic magazine. Actually, in one of the photos you can clearly see part of his dong (NSFW), so I feel okay saying this was definitely porn.

Audrina Patridge Peacock

Reality star Audrina Patridge also kicked off her career by taking off her clothes. Apparently, she took a series of naked, NSWF photos right after high school because she wanted to be a Playboy Playmate. Reality star is the next best thing, I suppose.

Many of these celebrities live with the hope that you will forget that they boned/exposed themselves for money back in the day. But I—I will never forget. No matter how hard I try.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go delete my browser history.

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